K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Actually I think this admission is a great way to show how you have actually changed.

The fact that you recognize that it was emotional and didn't let it get physical is a good step in the right direction. It showed that maybe you're starting to understand how you don't need someone to make you happy.

Thanks Stuck.

Kevin

[K4D]

So W says I can swing by and get the Christmas tree tonight out of the garage. She said she won't be there. That is fine. I only have tonight to set it up with the girls. It has been a long and hard week. I don't know that I will get it done tonight. I may end up just doing it on my own. Or I may set it up this weekend and have them decorate on Tuesday when they come over.

I feel like I am failing this week with my kids. I have been working late all week and am tired when I get home. I just haven't gotten much accomplished this week during the evenings with what is left of them by the time me and the girls get home.

I guess I will go out with some friends tomorrow night and not sure what I will do Saturday or Sunday.

Kevin

[K4D]

Ah, I am meeting with my priest tomorrow.

I think I will work on my resume this weekend and try and get a permanent job. It is time to get ready. All the budgets will start coming open in January.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

If you can do your tree tonight...I would. You will have the rest of the weekend to take it easy. I think its important to do that with your kids.

Cowboys play this weekend right?

[smith18]

Chargers 38 - Cowboys 17

[Super Girl]

The Chargers actually won a game? They sucked when I was a Californian. lol

[CityGirl]

For some reason I have yet to figure out when I try and quote posts and add my thoughts the screen jumps all over the place making it impossible to type. So pardon me if this is difficult to reference. I am responding to your response to my post (that is about clear as mud, I know).

Do not confuse mystery with being guarded. My H is about the most guarded person on the planet, mostly because he is afraid of his own shadow and rather weak in the emotional sense. Being guarded is annoying and a real turn off. Being mysterious is sexy and intriguing. So no, you don't need to be guarded with your W you need to be mysterious.

You know that sushi restaurant you like, the one where they roll the sushi right in front of you? Say you went there and a smokin' hot babe was rolling sushi and she gave you ONE BITE of the most delicious sushi you ever tasted but that was it. You would be intrigued. And lets say you asked this pretty sushi maker for more of that delicious treat and she winked at you and said "sure thing, come back another time for more". I bet you would be there the very next night. The sushi maker wasn't being guarded, she was being mysterious. Do you see the difference?

Honestly, the way you get excited about being with your W or a phone is so child like it's a turn off. I mean, it's a phone that you have had for a few days now so I am not really sure what the continued excitement is. You are not a child that got a new toy. You are a man that purchased a piece of technology to streamline your busy life. In my brother in laws family there are tons of little kids. When we all gather for a family event it gets annoying to have the same kid show you the same toy 40 times in a few hours. You sort of remind me of that. It's not cute or playful for a grown man to behave that way IMO.

I am not sure if I ever told you this but I met my H at work. We were both hired at the same company on the same day and we had to go through an extensive 8 week training course that was very tough. He and I, from a random draw, got paired up as training partners. What attracted me to him was how commanding and confident he was while we were learning all we had to learn. My H is very smart and an absolute whiz at making business deals. He never misses a bit and just makes it happen. Had he acted all giddy and silly when he started closing deals I would have thought he was an idiot. Of course, he was a nice guy, he and I had lots in common and he has blue eyes that could pierce holes through you and jet black hair (now that is mostly gray, lol!). Maybe this is just me but men that get excited about things I think are silly (new men toys, technology or a very small accomplishment) are major turn offs to me.

You said she wasn't yelling at you for having to work late but more that you working late rolled over to her time with her friends or OM. Too bad so sad, sister. That is what being a single parent is all about. Unless your children are sick or injured tell her to respect your time at work and not bother you about HER plans that are social.

My understanding is you had notified her ahead of time that you would be working late and unsure about the time you would finish. Yet, you still allowed her to rattle you and when you get rattled you get weak (EX: answering with "understood" like she is your boss or something).

You must learn to control your emotions around this woman. I will never understand the hold she has over you. If it bugs you to hear about her new jobs then tell her "W, I am not interested in hearing about this as it does not concern me what job you choose".

If something bugs you set a boundary so it doesn't bug you anymore. Simple. Reasonable. Logical. Yes?

I know you didn't do anything with the hooker. My point was, you have had 3 exchanges with ladies that we know of. You get upset when your W doesn't tell you about her exchanges with other men yet you work hard to keep your exchanged with other women very private.

[K4D]

If you can do your tree tonight...I would. You will have the rest of the weekend to take it easy. I think its important to do that with your kids.

Cowboys play this weekend right?

SO2, I didn't get to the tree last night. I am going to set it up this weekend and then Tuesday night me and the girls will decorate it.

I expect the Cowboys to win this weekend.

Kevin

[K4D]

For some reason I have yet to figure out when I try and quote posts and add my thoughts the screen jumps all over the place making it impossible to type. So pardon me if this is difficult to reference. I am responding to your response to my post (that is about clear as mud, I know).

I copy and paste into MS Word and type my responses and then paste it back into the thread because I have had the same issue.

Do not confuse mystery with being guarded. My H is about the most guarded person on the planet, mostly because he is afraid of his own shadow and rather weak in the emotional sense. Being guarded is annoying and a real turn off. Being mysterious is sexy and intriguing. So no, you don't need to be guarded with your W you need to be mysterious.

Got it.

You know that sushi restaurant you like, the one where they roll the sushi right in front of you? Say you went there and a smokin' hot babe was rolling sushi and she gave you ONE BITE of the most delicious sushi you ever tasted but that was it. You would be intrigued. And lets say you asked this pretty sushi maker for more of that delicious treat and she winked at you and said "sure thing, come back another time for more". I bet you would be there the very next night. The sushi maker wasn't being guarded, she was being mysterious. Do you see the difference?

Yes, that is a darn good analogy.

Honestly, the way you get excited about being with your W or a phone is so child like it's a turn off. I mean, it's a phone that you have had for a few days now so I am not really sure what the continued excitement is. You are not a child that got a new toy. You are a man that purchased a piece of technology to streamline your busy life. In my brother in laws family there are tons of little kids. When we all gather for a family event it gets annoying to have the same kid show you the same toy 40 times in a few hours. You sort of remind me of that. It's not cute or playful for a grown man to behave that way IMO.

I guess I never thought of it as childish. I see your point. Perhaps I have to much excitement about technology.

I am not sure if I ever told you this but I met my H at work. We were both hired at the same company on the same day and we had to go through an extensive 8 week training course that was very tough. He and I, from a random draw, got paired up as training partners. What attracted me to him was how commanding and confident he was while we were learning all we had to learn. My H is very smart and an absolute whiz at making business deals. He never misses a bit and just makes it happen. Had he acted all giddy and silly when he started closing deals I would have thought he was an idiot. Of course, he was a nice guy, he and I had lots in common and he has blue eyes that could pierce holes through you and jet black hair (now that is mostly gray, lol!). Maybe this is just me but men that get excited about things I think are silly (new men toys, technology or a very small accomplishment) are major turn offs to me.

Ok. I also have blue eyes. lol. This is the first time you told me how you met your H. So what should men get excited about?

You said she wasn't yelling at you for having to work late but more that you working late rolled over to her time with her friends or OM. Too bad so sad, sister. That is what being a single parent is all about. Unless your children are sick or injured tell her to respect your time at work and not bother you about HER plans that are social.

My understanding is you had notified her ahead of time that you would be working late and unsure about the time you would finish. Yet, you still allowed her to rattle you and when you get rattled you get weak (EX: answering with "understood" like she is your boss or something).

Yes, she was notified a few days ahead of time and agreed to watch the kids that night. Then she changed her plans that night while I was at work.

You must learn to control your emotions around this woman. I will never understand the hold she has over you. If it bugs you to hear about her new jobs then tell her "W, I am not interested in hearing about this as it does not concern me what job you choose".

If something bugs you set a boundary so it doesn't bug you anymore. Simple. Reasonable. Logical. Yes?

Yes. I just need to enforce it.

I know you didn't do anything with the hooker. My point was, you have had 3 exchanges with ladies that we know of. You get upset when your W doesn't tell you about her exchanges with other men yet you work hard to keep your exchanged with other women very private.

Not upset. Just get tired of the pretending game. But it is what it is for the time being.

Thanks CG,

Kevin

[Startingover2]

I think you being mysterious with your wife with be good for both of you. She knows when she calls you will come running and hope for a crumb of hope. Its wrong. She chose her life to be this way and at some point you will go on.

Now, if I can only take my own advice