Hi JR, I agree with Michell, nothing necessarily wrong with calling to talk about time with you children - though it might be perceived as manipulative, that response/perception is out of your hands, so you'll just have to let that be...
When I read your post, I started to wonder if maybe you need to do more about getting on with your life - which is not to say that you need to live as though you were divorced - but at least live more as though you are willing to move forward on your own. Though I can't speak to your wife's mindset - nor anyone's but my own - I would think that it's much easier to believe in the changes we see in another person when we see those changes as empowering - and even, somehow, liberating for them. Which is to say, perhaps there's a part of you that clings just a bit too much to your wife, to the relationship you had, and this clinging contributes to pushing her away a bit...just a thought...
That idea aside, I think you have every right to talk about your time with your children and to offer more of your own wishes for how and when you spend that time...While you are certainly being respectful of your wife's wishes - I think it might also start to make you seem kind of weak in her eyes...sorry if that's too blunt...I just remember going through moments like this with my STBX and now see that when I agreed with her about too many things, it allowed her to believe that she could walk all over me...these days that doesn't happen at all - and she seems a bit befuddled as to how to interact with me - but at least I feel a renewed sense of self respect...which feels very healthy - and good for me and for my kids.
And, yes, DBing is hard...but here's something else to keep in mind - DBing is not, at its core (and this might sound heretical) about saving a marriage - it's really about saving oneself first - and then sometimes the marriage follows. Try putting yourself first more - in a healthy, compassionate way - getting there was very hard for me, since it went contrary to my idea of giving...but it's made a tremendous difference in my life - and now I can give to others without wanting/needing/expecting anything in return (at least that's what I work toward every day).
All that said - I'm glad you get to spend so much time with your boys - and you can make the celebrations happen on any day you chose.
