The most frustrating part is that just as sandy and some others here told me, he never says no, or I wont do that, or I dont want to do that, or I dont feel that. He always tells me YES, yes you are right, yes now I see, yes I know how you feel, yes we need time, yes I have no complaints, like today, he said he appreciates more than anything the chance I am giving him and he sees the meaning in it.
I've been thinking boundaries and going back to happy ole maria where he cant touch me anymore. But to do that, in my book means I detach completely and I stop feeling positive feelings for him. I cant define clearly the 2. I think detachement is good when you are "standing" but it is exactly what I am supposed to fight while trying to reconcile.
I know that is my "bad", but I am not so...mature to be successful with that distinction. My BGF, told me to sizzle him, play games, not allow him in the house, make him beg.
I would if I agreed but that just aint my style. I am more a straight forwrad person, I hate games and many times in the past this lack of "gaming" has been a issue for my Rs in general.
Even at work, like I would never say yes to a boss if I didnt agree only to gain something later on. I dont know if I explain it wel enough in English but that quality I am missing. And that is exactly why this deceit has been so hurtful. I always thought he wasnt capable of so many mind games and even more so, on my expense.
Anyway, I digress. Bottom line is I cant be playing the famme fatale or the "you will pay now "MFer", I'll make you beg" since we are supposed to be on the same wave length.
Even my C told me once, I should hide more things from people. Manipulate is the word?
Today I told him some cruel words. Like that he is cake eating, we are his time fillers ("fillerakia" is the greeklish word we used in TV trying to fill the time between programmes when the advertsisng wasnt enough". He gives us the time he can afford as long as we dont disrupt his schedule. NOt 100% true but very close.
I discussed D. Now I have to stick by it. Not because of pride. Because there is no way he will "get it" with any other way.
I couldnt believe my ears when he said "I realised now how much I hurt you yesterday" as if he had no clue!!! Is that possible? K
