here we go again

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar, Sorry I havent been around for a while. I think that trent is giving you some great things to think about. I agree that there probably isnt a way to make this a relationship talk. I do like what you said, good I statements, but Im not sure that right now it the right time to send that message. Certainly not out of the blue. If you were having a discussion about something else- D2 for instance, and it came up, having the message written out is a good idea, so that you dont stumble for words.

I think that when they say things like "I know that you hate me" or "You wish that I were dead", they are looking for you to rush in and tell them that they are wrong, or somehow make themselves feel a little less guilty. Like poor me, kind of. Dont give him that response. If he says "You hate me" say, "I am so disappointed in you." Think back to when your parents were mad at you, which had more effect, them screaming at you, or telling you that they were disappointed?

[Jstar]

based on advice from you guys i'm not going to write/send what i had scripted out. i'm still dark and thinking of just waiting till after the holidays. i need as relaxed of a xmas as i can get with my two weeks off. it's still a week and half away but that is just where my feeling/thinking is this morning.

as Trent said, h can come up with things on his own or make his own moves, something to that effect about contacting me. h has tried to yell at me in a voice msg to get me to talk to him, i did not respond, he tried asking me how i was all nice nice and i did not respond. those are just words, lets see some actions then maybe i will speak to you.

don't know if h will remember last msg i sent him weeks ago when he/mil was still watching d2, but h was like what will make this years xmas any different then last, i said it will be the same, you won't be around because u choose to live in your fear of doing nothing when you have all the power to change the situation. so it will be teh same, you at your mothers and me with the kids.

[Jstar]

yeah i do agree h is oh poor me mode rate now or atleast with his comment of you hate me wish i was dead. i can hear him oh poor me i messed it up or he's in the blame game. jstar that witch screw her screw my kids, i think he has moved out of there some what. i 'm sure he feels guilty as hell but that is what he chose and he can remain paralyzed llving like he is or do something about it. but that 's just me speculating.

[Jstar]

came to find out h tried calling me last night, he didn't leave a msg or text. today nothing yet and it's almost 530 pm. i'm getting the feeling though he's gonna show up, or maybe he just thinks i'm completely gone to him.

went to ob today, tentatively planned the birth date of my liitle big boy.

[Jstar]

today is another new day, making plans with d2 for the weekend, nothing new on the h or sitch front. all's quiet.......

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar, I just wanted to stop by and say hi. Im actually thankful that your H is being quiet. Right now you need to conserve your energy and focus on taking care of yourself. And not having to think about him every second of every day will make that much easier.

I hope that you arent horrendously uncomfortable hauling around that belly! Take care of yourself!

[Jstar]

well thank you vm bluerain. the thing is i carry VERY large babies and this boy has still got some growing to do. Ever since ive been 5 months pregnant, i'm told the large size of my belly made me look all ready due. so by now about 7-8 away from delivery, i'm HUGE and still have more to grow. thank goodness i do not have to go into labor or push him out. my other children will close to ten pounds.

the no contact with h is like a double edged sword, i wish i could just call him up talk to him about baby, d2, me life like normal, but can't, but still so anger and disappointed in him, i don't even know what i would say to him.

i don't know what the next few weeks will bring with holidays but i will just take it one day at a time.

[bluerain]

lol, are you sure that there arent 2 in there?! Wow, those are good sized babies. You are lucky to not have to go into labor, but I dont think that a C-section is necessarily an "easy" way out either!

Have you thought about keeping a journal? Either for the baby, or his dad, if you do end up working things out with him, it might be kind of neat for him to see... and it will give you a way to get out some of the things that you need to express. Even if you dont have much to say right now, you might surprise yourself once you start to let go and put it all out there on paper. Dont reread it, dont send it, save it, or burn it, but its can be a nice, safe way for us to get some of the things that we need to say off of our minds sometimes.

Do you go to church? That might be a nice way for you to get in touch with a community that can offer you support too.

[Jstar]

Nah i don't go to church, little hard for me to believe in something. over the past 3 years i have had 4 very close family members pass away, i'm sure there's something and probably be good for me to go. more of just finding a place that i like.

yesterday i wrote a letter to h, never plan on giving it to him, i was just so anger i put it down, probably not what you're talking about.

[Jstar]

here's a question:

do lbs set a time limit of how long they will 'wait" for working towards a reconcilation?

meaning, say you seperated 3 months ago, have not had any contact, are in limbo status, do you say, okay well if i do not see any progress towards reconciling, i'm going to try my darndes dbing for 6 months and if no change, hang it up and file for divorce.