Yes it does need to be brought up about this OM and setting a boundary, thank you for pointing that out, I sure didnt even think about that. From what I gather X is slowly weening him away or something. I think X is wanting confirmation that I am willing to pursue her so she can tell him to take a hike. She mentioned she doesnt want other people living around our kids. Something to the affect of the days X doesnt have kids its ok or something to see people. I am confused just as you probably are reading that.
The X bought her house from her brother for what he owed on it. This OM had residence there, and I dont know if he did at her other place she had moved from that she had been in for a year when she moved in June or not. So the whole another guy has lived there with my kids and all is kinda crappy. And the house I put a bid on a month ago that I wont find out until Xmas Eve if I got it or not is a couple miles out of a small town and is a few houses down from OM parents where I think he stays at now, and to add to that, X's high school bf lived on that road during that time!
I have to be careful about my decisions. That house is a great deal and the problem is I have put down my earnest money, but someone came behind me and put a cash offer for less after me and its up to the bank to decide what to do with the property. No matter what, I think this is great for me to get this house and need to follow thru with it regardless what happens between X and I. I didnt know when I first started looking at this house OM family lived down the road.
Yes hopefully the odds have been increased to make it great if it does happen.
. I think X is wanting confirmation that I am willing to pursue her .
Well, I guess there's one slight difference, sorry, but in my sitch, I'm not the one that needs to do the pursuing, no way, "you want me honey, come and get me."
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Remember, be who you want to be in an R. Do you really want to be someone who would sneak around?? Be someone who feels good about their choices and who has clear, respectful boundaries.
Got a text after I got off work from X asking if I could pick up kids and to retrade this thurs that I was going to have them. She had just found out her gall bladder needs removed and has a tumor on her liver and she is all upset and doesnt want the kids to see her this way. I was under the impression she was going into surgery but I was wrong.
I tried asking what is causing all the problems she has been having since I friend of mine said it might be long term side effects from the adipex she took early last year but I havent found any info to support that. X said her aunt had hers removed at age 31, and her mom just had hers removed in the past couple months.
So not a good time to throw the OM out there. Just going to wait until X asks when to meet up again and then I will throw that on her.
I have no problems being who I want to be, cause I will walk right the hell away and not think twice next time. I wont take anything from anybody if I dont like it. Time will only tell.
The X texts me today to say my uncle and gpa went to one of her best friends grandmas funeral today. X goes on to say my grandpa said to her friend to tell the X "i love and miss her". Well the X is thinking my gpa has her confused with my brothers gf. My gma on the other side of the family was usually the one who got them mixed up. I reply with no, he is real good with names and I doubt he was confused". She says thats nice and when to do lunch or dinner again.
I had to lay it out there and said "i guess when he is completely out of the picture since I only go out with single women" (ty dday!) Took a while, but X respond by email with "I am confused. I thought you wanted to be friends? You mean to tell me you are not dating anyone? I guess I misunderstood. I thought you wanted to be JUST friends. I was the one saying I wanted my family back together. Well- what are you wanting?" Confusing? Very for me.
Ya we are just going to go out to eat all the time, or I am going to move in (like X joked about how many times?) while she continues to see this boy, lol. I never told X what I wanted cause I truly dont know. X asked if she was crazy to think the way she does and I responded with no. I will give her one thing, good at ASSUMING!!! That has never changed.
When we were going thru the whole D and one of the letters I wrote like the C said to do and pour my heart out as a last chance and how I told W at the time how this post M was going to be, and also that I wanted all or nothing to do with her and that is how I still feel. I dont want to be friends who I was married to who is with somebody else while there was still a chance with us while we was married. I guess I am not to that point yet of accepting it. I dont know.
"X, my understanding was that you wanted the family back together. I would be open to exploring that, starting to date a little, seeing how it works, but only when you are genuinely free to do that. We could begin while still dating others or not, that would be something to decide. But right now you aren't just dating, you have a boyfriend are in a committed monogomous R. You aren't single. As for being "just friends," right now that is not something that works for me."
Of course, if you are open to friendship now, you could instead say:
"X, my understanding was that you wanted the family back together. I would be open to exploring that, starting to date a little, seeing how it works, but only when you are genuinely free to do that. We could begin while still dating others or not, that would be something to decide. But right now you aren't just dating, you have a boyfriend are in a committed monogomous R. You aren't single. So, we cannot date now. On the other hand, if you want to be "just friends" I am open to trying that too. But I should also be a friend to your R, or I would be uncomfortable. Perhaps the three of us could have lunch? Once everything was clearly above board, I think there would be more space for friendship."
Yes I need to do something. I feel as if X is swinging from one branch to another and if that branch isnt guaranteed, she still continues to swing. Guess you could call it needy, always needing someone, afraid to be a lone. Ty for the input once again.
Stand your ground. If she's like my X, the more times you reject her notion date or even be friends while OM is around, she'll eventually deep six him if R is what she REALLY wants.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
So still thinking how to reply and I get this, "This is when we need to be able to communicate better. I have no problem not seeing anyone I would just like to know what you're talking about and boundaries... :-)".
I am glad when I wait around sometimes pondering how I should reply!
