So, when I was alot younger I was living in Jackson, Wyoming. It was Christmas eve night. My wife, who wasnt my wife at the time, who was supporting her skiing addiction as a banquet waitress, was working some rich folks dinner party. Merry Christmas for the Poor.
I had recently had my front teeth knocked out and was in the process of getting a 7 tooth bridge, from some guy named Dr. Birdsong who actually in all my visits I never saw a diploma on the wall but had this incredible collection of stamps covering his office walls, but thats another story, anyhow, so rather than going out looking like a hockey player I stayed home waxing skiis and getting wasted on Captain Morgans and Dr. Pepper.
About 10pm, I'm sitting on the stoop, drunk, bored and having a smoke, when this long haired dude wearing just a t-shirt and jeans in the sub-zero Wyoming cold comes stumbling down the street, mumbling. Just my luck, he comes over to mumble to me, about how 'she threw my christmas tree down the stairs.'
He bums a smoke and keeps on talking about his christmas eve festivities. I was on my way to seeing double so I just sat there listening to him yammering on about how his cheatin' wife had done him wrong. I think there might have even been some G.G. Allin playing in the background. When all of a sudden, 3 cop cars pull up, and 4 of Teton county's finest jump out and wrestle this poor guy to the ground in the snow, handcuff him and take him away.
Moral of the story: If things get bad over the holidays, lock yourself in your room and OnDemand a porno because noone not even the ski bum college dropouts you might run into forget the stupid things you do in anger over the holidays.
