Suppose that W's molester used to wear a funny mask and made her wear a clown nose during the molestation. Further suppose that you had the same funny mask and clown nose, and you wanted to use them in the same way during sex. In such a scenario, could you understand W's repulsion, her inability to get over it, her resistance to trying to find a way to make the mask and clown nose work for her sexually? Could you understand why it would make her feel injured for you to keep bringing it up, pushing her, insisting? Could you see why it would make her feel that you were perverted, even if in other contexts it would be a pretty innocent fetish of some sort? Would you be able to understand and empathize with her determination to avoid the mask and clown nose? Would you see why the mask and clown nose would be linked so closely to the molestation such that it was retraumatizing to see them or talk about using them and so on?
I'm guessing your answer would be "yes."
Now, suppose you replace the mask and clown nose with clitoral stimulation and sexual pleasure. Would you still be able to answer "yes"? Right now, I don't think you could. But, perhaps if you reflect enough you could get to a place where you could honestly answer "yes". If so, that could help things a good deal.
Most victims of molestation experience sexual pleasure while being molested. This becomes increasingly difficult to live with as one grows up and gets a better grip of what was going on. If this is the case with your W, then being sexually stimulated and experiencing sexual pleasure could be repulsive because they are retraumatizing.
