Calling out the Piecers

[ridnic]

Seems that is what they do (wanna try but then give up), but after its finally they tend to regret it deeply later on down the road after they live and find out it isnt as green as they onced dreamed. Must be the whole "on paper" issue!

[dday101798]

Thanks for the input guys.

Man, this is getting crazy. My cousin I'm living with is going off the deep end over this. All those months, of "you obviously love her, I hope you to work it out" have now turned into this nasty tension. I decided at alst minute to have a family dinner with XW and kids last night, and my cousin went ape sh!t and started callling me "inconciderate" and slaming doors and just being absolutely crazy. Purely nuts.

Dinner was wonderful. Kids had a blast. Not too long into it, XW went to the bathroom and S11 asked point blank: "are you and mom getting back together?". Apparently, we both have the same answer, it's up to her, or in her case, it's up to me.

Had a really really good time. Then when I dropped them off, XW opteed to go back out for a few beers alone with me. That's when the fit hit the shan. I don't know what started it, but things got really really tense and XW was all upset, talking about giving up and all that jazz, crying and carrying on. We worked through it, but it was still on going when I took her back to 'her house'. Needless to say it dropped to 5 degrees last night, so talking outside was not a great option. So she invited me in.

I must say, it was really really weird, but more comforting than I thought it would be. We ended hugging, and making up, and eventually falling asleep together on the couch. I can't tell you how great that felt. I could get too used to that too quickly.

I just still don't know where all the tension came from. I really thought for a second there that it was over. So, there's round 1 of a cycle that I am sure will repeat again soon enough. Hopefully in time they will subside.

I did get a lot of re-assurances regarding OM from XW, so I'm comfortable with that. All I could really say is that if she backslides, I'm gone, don't even bother. She does say that he is quiting the job on the 24th. That is a huge relief.

It's gonna be a long, long road, but I'm looking forward to all the challanges. I'm seriously reconcidering my stance about our house, I don' tknow how long I can keep up this 'long distance' relationship with her. And after last night/this morning, I am so overwhelmed with feelings, old and new.

[dday101798]

heh, I also can't wait to hear her father's reaction to the fact that I was there, in his house last night, that outta be good.

[dday101798]

ewwwie, no wonder why there was a tension last night, I didn't even realize yesterday we had been D'd for half a year already

[mishka422]

Do you think she really realized that?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

that's a bit of a strech DDay, unless she told you that was the reason.

You are likely rebuilding a relationship with her...actually no not rebuilding, building something new. Assumptions and complacentcy helped kill your old marriage.

Don't make assumptions, actually talk.

[dday101798]

I wouldn't be surprised if she did mish, she was very remorseful of the whole D an dwished it hand't gone all the way through. I however told her, that altough it is unfortunate, in order for this new beginning to work right, it had to happen. The slate had to be fully cleaned.

So yes, JTB, it is something new. I guess it's a good thing hashing out the old issues has happened now, instead of further down the road, it had to happen. And yes, we did a lot of talking, something that really compounded the problems of the 'old M'.

[dday101798]

<journalizing>

uggh, what a night, although very short. My cousin was pissed and dealt a pretty good tongue lashing when I got in. I do deserve some of it, but the vast majority was a massive misunderstanding. I also understand she's nervous that since XW and I are now on the up and up, she thinks I'll just up and leave and although my heart would be all over that in a second, my brain (and wallet) knows that is highly impractical.

It's just all so crazy. I just ended up going to bed at like 8pm, shortly after after receiving a call from XW I had to decline, texted her sorry it was a bad time to talk, she replied she was going to bed as well. My cousin did apologize for some nasty things she said about XW in the haste of the moment last night to try and get me upset.

So, hopefuly it will be a nice and quiet, productive weekend around the house. I do need to clear my head, backsliding on a few things, and most of all, find a second job. I'm very grateful for all my cousin has done for me, but seriously, I really need to get out on my own and everything is so up in the air with where and when of what is going to happen between XW and I.

[Gnosis]

Don't write off your cousin. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES.

She is your best friend, and from what I have seen, been the only one looking out for you. Something you need to understand... she's been there for you, held your hand throughout this ordeal. It's natural that she be looking out for you. And she has the RIGHT to whack you over the head. She's earned it. Listen to her because she's got your back.

VALUE HER. Thank her for being there for you. Time to practice your validating and understanding skills on her.

People like her are gold.

Thanks for chipping in on my thread.

[dday101798]

Hey gno,

No, I am not writing her off by no means. You are right and that was the balk of her tongue lashing, that yes, she has been there for me in a very, very big way. She has seen me crumble to pieces time and time again over XW, hence she had some very unkind things to say about XW, that although hurt, I know she was speaking out of the heat of the moment and blowing off steam, and to just let it blow over.

Funny you should mention practicing volidating and understanding. I found myself using the statement we've all come to know first hand: "I'm sorry you feel that way...." on a couple of occasions. It actually came out without even thinking about.

It's just a really big, big misunderstanding. So we're going to have a "painting party" tonight and get rooms ready for her S to move back in.

What really blows is I really wanted to spend some time with XW this weekend. Doesn't look like that'd be such a good idea. I just miss her soooo much and there is no question at all she feels the same. This is all just so ackward.

XW and I did exchange our 'newly customary' morning greetings as usual today. Lol, put another retarded ear to ear smile on my face again. I don't even think things were this cordial when we dated the first time all those years ago.