I can take it no more soldiers wife need help

[armywifevampi]

Hi I cant say much all my feelings are in a book that’s all I can think of doing im new and don’t know much about this. Is very hard to deal with everything at home and with my H deployment its are first and he is very cold. He has not called in 3days now and when I try he picks up and hangs up. I don’t know how to express my self here I don’t know much how to any more. I cant cry no more then I have had this few days. It gets harder every day for me and my baby girl. I don’t have no one here we moved here to start are life and he went in to make a better life for us. Sometimes I think he just wanted to do it for him self and not for us. I really need someone to talk to that maybe can help with my feelings and this frustration im going throw. Every word I had is in a book and sometimes I for get who I am and why is it im in this world. I’m a fighter and I know I can just keep on dwelling in my fears of not trying to save this life we have together sorry I don’t even know how to put the words together no more. I just want to give up in everything I do right now im trying not to for our family but he is just to tuff on us and I don’t know why he has changed so much. I wish allot right know and one thing would be to save what little I have left in my life. I might not be making any since allot of friends have said that to me. but I guess I just cant keep living this way hopping he will come back to me with his mind straight. What can I do to make this hurt stop he is just now who I married 21years ago. I know we where young but I don’t think that give him the right to act like a child and do what he his doing to me and our life. please help me find my self. I’m trying to understand why he is doing what he’s doing to me. HELP thanks



I sometimes feel I should crow in a hole and just cry my self to sleep I don’t like this feeling im having of no hope and loneliness in side. I feel empty and that nothing else maters any more I hope im expressing my self the right way I don’t know how to put my words sometimes the right way any more. I’m scared of everything right know in my life. Maybe cuz I feel like everything is falling apart and I cant get the peaces together any more.

[dburt]

Calm down, I am sorry that you are here. We need more detail, what has your husband done so terrible? Has he moved out?

Burt

[armywifevampi]

No he is deployed he’s not him self any more im sorry I know I sound angry. Don’t know my feelings no more. He has ignored everything we have ever talked about before he left. Its only been 5months since he’s been gone. But it feels like eternity for me. He told me. He broke up with me twice in the last 2months because of stupid stuff like, u call me to much, my friends tell me why do u call and text me to much, you don’t have to tell me all the time u love me and miss me all the time and to tope it of he tells me he loves me but not in love with me that just blow me away. He has never said that before. He’s going out every night and parting and spending our savings. when he knows I was not sure any more if I am suppose to go see him in January 2010. I was saving the money so when I go we can spend it together and see everything he might not be doing or seeing over there. I don’t know where I stand in he’s life no more for that matter he wont even talk to me no more. I’ve heard stories about soldiers that leave there wife’s cuz we cant take it im still here and not going any where but he keeps pushing and don’t know why. Its like he is someone that’s not him. don’t know if he is just tiring to fit in but why treat me so bad as not to answer my calls or call me well us anymore sorry im talking only of my self we have a daughter to that misses him so much but she is getting he’s attitude to and that kills me more. I try to deal with everything all at once. she is just the same now with me and tells me things like leave him if he is hurting u. I try to talk to her to but nether want to listen. Don’t know anymore why would this be happening to me now when everything was great and its all falling apart.

[dburt]

They will continue to fall apart until you regain your composure and start to use your brain instead of listening to your heart. You are smothering him, you are lucky, he told you that you are. It is time to give him what he is screaming for, space.

First challenge for you, do not call him, let him call you first.

And when he does call, because eventually he will, be way too busy for him, just say, hey hows it going, and then say, hey can I call you back, I have to go, meeting some people out later. See ya, and make sure you hang up first.

The heart will get in the way, use your head, and start doing things that work, and quit doing things that harm.

You can do this.

Have you ordered the DR book yet. Also, start looking at others here, the charcters are different but the script is usually pretty close.

Burt

[oldtimer]

The base or post should have some counseling services available to spouses of deployed military...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Not should they do have them.

[SoldierDad]

Agreed - Armywife,
Please go to your base/post and head straight to your ACS building. They have counselors available to you, and many other services to help you and your family. They are there to help you. Go there immediately.

[bluerain]

Hi Armywife. I read your other thread and Im curious about the phone calls that you were getting from the woman who claimed to be with your H? Did anything else come from that? I told my H's command that he was having an A. I dont regret it one bit, but I will admit that its probably not the approach that is appropriate for all sitches.

Also, if you go to military one source, then follow the links for Army active duty family members, you will find an 800 number that will hook you up with some free *confidential* counseling. I think that you are eligible for either 4 or 6 free sessions with a therapist above and beyond what tricare offers.

First and foremost, stop trying to contact him. Not only will it show you being respectful of his (most likely BS) complaints, but it will give you time to calm down and focus on you and your kiddos. You need to figure out some positive things that you can do for yourself to help YOU get through this. I understand that you are concerned about whether or not you should go see him with the ticket that you have already gotten, but really, when is that trip? I dont think that fretting over it is going to help you much right now. Focus on how you can make your life better today, and then tomorrow. Take it one day at a time, and let us know how we can help you.

[armywifevampi]

I have not called him and I tried calling the 1800 # and even on the web site it send me here. I have not text or call him at all but what bothered me the most is when I clime to him that a girl was calling my phone. He really texted and called me right away. I did not pick up when he called and have not text since. I have not spoken to him at all. I gave him all the space he’s wanted since the 31 on Halloween he called me only when he came home from parting and drinking. I have not said nothing other then hey how are u and just cowman stuff have not said nothing about us or anything that’s going on be for this . I think that was more then enough space. He since the 31 on Halloween has not text me other then hi how are u , how’s it going, that’s all no more I love u or miss u or nothing and I have not said it back. I just got tired of hoping he would call or text me with something other then what he’s been doing. Why the change if I have done nothing wrong. Before this ever happened I have not done nothing different other then to support him in every way and he always us to do everything the same way and now he changed from one day to the other on the 31. Why is my ?. What went so wrong if everything was fine . I did back then ask that ? And he told me to stop figuring him out that he was not going to tell me why he’s changed . I just gave u guys a quick revue for what was going on in our life’s there is more to tell . Since the 31 on Halloween night . I just give u peace of what happened when it happened cuz I was angry and the bad parts always come out first I guess. He is not a bad man at all its just how he is treating me that’s wrong and im just tiring to figure out why . U say to stop smothering him . He never had a problem with me calling him Twice a day or texting him once in a while. With I love u or I miss u . and then I am very confuse but I have not text or called him at all no more and I think I will not do that . For someone to change so fast in a short time there is something more to it then what im doing and he just cant confront me with it I guess. If its me I would change but I don’t think ive done nothing wrong. And he told me that at the time he said it was him so why not talk to me and just keep punching me away. If u have a problem im here no mater how big or small I would not let go unless is something threatening to my life and his or daughter. I wish I know if I can only get in to his head and know why I might help him see his way . Something things happen for a reason but sometime when u love some one so much u let go so u wont hurt no more for what they are doing to u again and again I know but ive never given up on my marriage ive always been a fighter in everything ive done . And look after so many years im willing to just give it all up cuz I cant take it no more. Ignorance is the worst thing u can do to some one but it will never work with him . I’ve tried that already . He’s good at it though cuz he now’s it kills me in side and I tried not to but that’s my weakness im to nice and sweet and loving and I get walked over and over again and I still don’t give up. I don’t know just very confuse I would like for him to tell me what he wants and don’ts. But I cant even get a sentence out of him never in all our 21 years of marriage. He’s always been thing way with communication but not to the point as this. Ive tried to help him but I guess ive failed in that field. Im trying to answer every one back in here


im not sure if im asking the right ? sorry

[armywifevampi]

the trip is Jan. the 4

when I told him he just texted me back saying that what the f---k do u mean. and I don’t know what ur talking about who.. and just tell them to stop calling u cuz I don’t know who is.. and the last one was im working tittiry why do u come up with this bull [censored]..


i wish i can do that but he is my other half he’s all ive ever known ive been with him all my life..