I am sorry for the pain that all this causes you. I know that you try so hard to have no expectations so you can't be disappointed. But it is not possible.
I am sitting here at my desk, trying to calm down. I know pretty soon he will be calling as if nothing happened. And I know I will not be able to hold back my thoughts and feelings. K
You shouldn't M. Your feelings and thoughts are yours and they are valid. Your not asking the impossible, your not asking for unreasonable, and your not asking for anything you don't deserve. He's not coming thru for you. You and only you are allowing him and teaching him that this is ok for him to treat you this way. He is not doing the work and he hasn't done the work in years. He's given you very little in the way of words and no action to prove any different than where you were in the past years.
I am sorry... I know this is more difficult than before.. his false movement. Everytime he feels he is going to lose you, he pokes his head out long enough to confuse you.
Your head knows whats right and your heart just won't listen... am I right? I dont' know that I would have ever asked my H to leave.... just not me to ever give up. It was a blessing that he pulled the plug.
Big hugs and love to you from across that great big Ocean!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Say, yesterday was our A, I really wanted to do something with you / get a gift from you. I am very disappointed/angry/upset that I didn't. When you don't get me gifts for / spend time with me on important dates/occasions, I feel insecure about our future.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I said exactly that. He said he "was thinking about it but...didnt do anything". Just like last year.
A big convo started from there involving some tears. He had the guts to ask me why didnt I do something. I told him, my committement to this M is not questioned and that I have done something only he would need to spend with me a few minutes to actually see it. I was hoping he would. He didnt.
A lot of things were said. Basically I told him that I am not going to justify his inaction and indifference or pretend it is a hidden kind of love. That I need some specifics he has refused or ignored and that "peace" the way he sees it does not involve connection. I told him I will not go on with him making choices every step of the way over me and the kids. We talked about his work, the A and all the energy he put into that, in comparison to the energy he puts into us.
I told him he hurt me last year the same day, he hurt this year alot more and that I hope he will be my past next year so that he cant hurt me. I told him, enough is enough. I can not dictate to him thing he as any normal person should feel, I dont judge him, but I AM finally making a choice not to live like this anymore. He said, "no, dont talk like this, I realisenow I hurt you, you blow things out of proportion in you head" and I snapped at him telling him you can blow NOTHING out of proportion.
I hung up the phone because I wasb breaking down in tears. AFter I told him we should plan for seperate Christmas... K
Maria, I am sorry you are going through these frustrations with this man.
It does seem that he just blows your concerns away and has no understanding of your feelings.
I have no recommendations. You do seem very torn between your heart and your soul. It is up to you to get your own clarity of what you want and what you realistically believe your H can ever be.
