We're still occupying the same oxygen bubble. We regularly murmur the occasional and customary formalities. As for REAL talk where we "connect"... rarely.
And how do you feel about that? Is it stressful? When I lived with H, there was practically no talking in the home. But for me it really took a toll on me. Are you able to deal with it okay or does it upset you?
sometimes I am a total blonde M, far from it. You hit on the right questions to ask. Take that blonde phrase out of your vocabulary.
So, from what I read, you had/have a mom who is an emotional blackmailer. Yeah. She 'had her way' until an apocalyptic event that I don't wish to go into at the moment. Since then it's been keep my distance and contact as little as possible.
(Wow, how did you turn out so good???) I don't know if I did... (No, not fishing for comments. That's how I feel.)
Did she try to guilt you into doing things for her, spending time w/her, doing something she wants you to do???? No so much spending time with her, very much getting her way. Like I said, she was a pro. Sometimes she was so subtle and under the radar that I'd only "wake up after the fact" as to what went down. Believe me, it's a crappy feeling when you realize you've been 'persuaded'.
And, W is a psychologist? Good Lord! It sounds worse than it is. Sure they have their standard box of mind tricks. Once you're aware of them you can neutralize the intended purpose.
Do you feel like you're under a microscope much? No, not really.
Does she FEEL anything, or is she constantly evaluating, gauging, measuring, etc...? Mrs Gno is an emotional person and used to reveal her feelings a lot. It's difficult to get an accurate reading now. I've stopped trying to figure her out because it drives me nuts. If you're really asking is she's the "cold, calculating" type, then the answer is no.
(HOPE THESE TWO DON'T WORK TOGETHER FOR A COMMON CAUSE!!!!) No, my mother is on another continent so contact between them is very limited. If there are any 'enemies' to consider it would be my two SIL's. While I can't depend on support from MIL or FIL, I can depend on them not interfering. They're old and in failing health - all they want is peace of mind.
And, it appears you have some hint of the possibility of infidelity. Are you pursuing evidence? Or, are you trying other tactics to make this situation better...? Yes, there some red flags indicating possible infidelity. Believe me I've been digging and can't come up with anything concrete. It's difficult because my W is a luddite. So no texts, emails, FB etc to wade through. There are long absences from home during the day, none at night. Some of the absences check out. Today (Thursday) is a trigger day. She has her weekly manicure/pedicure and is gone anything from 3 to 5 hours. I finally found out where the salon is and I'm going to "stake it out" today.
(Something tells me infidelity IS a deal breaker for you.) Absolutely. Unlike other men on the board there is no way I'll be able to deal through that. I know myself. Betrayal is something I might be able to forgive but will never forget. Once someone has broken the trust I've place in them it is irretrievable. I have a proven track record in that department.
BUT, IF NOT, are you considering creating a crisis? You betcha!
And, am I commenting on what I'm supposed to? Yes, and you did an excellent job.
It's difficult to open up without questions to prod me. That's why I have a hard time updating my sitch. Answering questions gives me a way to work through things.
Is it stressful? Heck yeah. In the beginning I was going absolutely crazy - begging, pleading and the rest of the worst things to do. Since I started disconnecting the frequency and level of stress are diminishing, but they're still there. I have to fight hard to suppress them and bite my tongue.
There up and down days. For example last night I didn't get any sleep. Everything was running through my mind. Especially because today I'm going to stake-out the salon and see if she's really going there. I've slipped a small digital voice recorder into her purse too and hope it works.
Right now it feels as if closure is just ahead and I'm shaking. I don't want to find an OM and I really hope there isn't one.
I'm not sure if you glean this from my posts, but I'm fairly high maintenance (in a cute, subtle, way... LOL), and let me tell you, I have NEVER taken more than an hour and a half at the nail salon.
MORE QUESTIONS:
Does she have acrylic/gel nails? IF SO, they don't need to be "filled" weekly. I get mine done every two weeks, and some women can go three weeks. IF NOT, I can understand a weekly manicure, as "au natural" nails don't hold a manicure longer than a few days, seriously, at best.
NAIL FILL TIME - MAX 1 hour MANICURE TIME - MAX 45 minutes
And, she has a WEEKLY PEDICURE! Holy crap! She must have some baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad feet! I get a full pedicure about once a month (in the summer!), and every two weeks (in the winter), and a polish change only in between. PEDICURE's LAST!
PEDICURE - MAX 35 minutes
She must have some flippin' commute! Does she do anything else? Waxing? (MAX 30 minutes) Massage? (Depends on service) BOTOX? (15 minutes) Chemical Peels? (45 minutes)
Now, let's talk about color and highlights!!!
Sorry, had to get that all out immediately.
Last edited by mindfull; 12/10/0905:03 PM. Reason: Don't you see a cc receipt? How much are the charges?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I live your life of biting my tongue, and let me tell ya, it's about to fall OFF! The level of household stress may be lower, but the level of personal stress is over the top.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I'm fairly high maintenance (in a cute, subtle, way... LOL),
One of my fav songs - "High Maintenance Woman Don't Need No Maintneance Man."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Heck yeah. In the beginning I was going absolutely crazy - begging, pleading and the rest of the worst things to do. Since I started disconnecting the frequency and level of stress are diminishing, but they're still there. I have to fight hard to suppress them and bite my tongue.
Hey Gno, I am hoping your "stake out" doesn't confirm the worst today. So I am sending my good vibrations your way.
It's funny how when you stop engaging with someone who isn't engaging you, how much things can change (yet stay the same). In my sitch, by the time I stopped engaging, I began to feel indifferent on whether he'd respond to me. And with indifference came a sprinkle of resentment...that still apepars every now and then.
Do you feel negative towards her or is it just as if you are coasting through your day, waiting for her to figure out wth her deal is?
Just came back from the beauty salon. Mindfull: MANICURE TIME - MAX 45 minutes Took approx. 1 hour from the walk-in/out time.
She's not back and I'm going nuts right now. I know this is a battle of the mind, but knowing doesn't remove the constriction around my chest, the shortness of breath and the lump in my throat. I know I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions mulling over this but can't get myself to focus elsewhere.
(Something tells me infidelity IS a deal breaker for you.) Absolutely. Unlike other men on the board there is no way I'll be able to deal through that. I know myself. Betrayal is something I might be able to forgive but will never forget. Once someone has broken the trust I've place in them it is irretrievable. I have a proven track record in that department.
Oh G - this is where I draw the line too. I didn't know you were going through this right now You Mr. are in my prayers today!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
G - I have been following your thread and reading the advice you offer on other people's threads. You sir, are a wealth of knowledge. Thanks for sharing.
I am sorry that you are having a do or die day. I hope you find some answers today. Good or bad, at least you may find some peace of mind.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
No matter what, you are going to be okay.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
You Mr. are in my prayers today!