sometimes I am a total blonde M, far from it. You hit on the right questions to ask. Take that blonde phrase out of your vocabulary.
So, from what I read, you had/have a mom who is an emotional blackmailer. Yeah. She 'had her way' until an apocalyptic event that I don't wish to go into at the moment. Since then it's been keep my distance and contact as little as possible.
(Wow, how did you turn out so good???) I don't know if I did... (No, not fishing for comments. That's how I feel.)
Did she try to guilt you into doing things for her, spending time w/her, doing something she wants you to do???? No so much spending time with her, very much getting her way. Like I said, she was a pro. Sometimes she was so subtle and under the radar that I'd only "wake up after the fact" as to what went down. Believe me, it's a crappy feeling when you realize you've been 'persuaded'.
And, W is a psychologist? Good Lord! It sounds worse than it is. Sure they have their standard box of mind tricks. Once you're aware of them you can neutralize the intended purpose.
Do you feel like you're under a microscope much? No, not really.
Does she FEEL anything, or is she constantly evaluating, gauging, measuring, etc...? Mrs Gno is an emotional person and used to reveal her feelings a lot. It's difficult to get an accurate reading now. I've stopped trying to figure her out because it drives me nuts. If you're really asking is she's the "cold, calculating" type, then the answer is no.
(HOPE THESE TWO DON'T WORK TOGETHER FOR A COMMON CAUSE!!!!) No, my mother is on another continent so contact between them is very limited. If there are any 'enemies' to consider it would be my two SIL's. While I can't depend on support from MIL or FIL, I can depend on them not interfering. They're old and in failing health - all they want is peace of mind.
And, it appears you have some hint of the possibility of infidelity. Are you pursuing evidence? Or, are you trying other tactics to make this situation better...? Yes, there some red flags indicating possible infidelity. Believe me I've been digging and can't come up with anything concrete. It's difficult because my W is a luddite. So no texts, emails, FB etc to wade through. There are long absences from home during the day, none at night. Some of the absences check out. Today (Thursday) is a trigger day. She has her weekly manicure/pedicure and is gone anything from 3 to 5 hours. I finally found out where the salon is and I'm going to "stake it out" today.
(Something tells me infidelity IS a deal breaker for you.) Absolutely. Unlike other men on the board there is no way I'll be able to deal through that. I know myself. Betrayal is something I might be able to forgive but will never forget. Once someone has broken the trust I've place in them it is irretrievable. I have a proven track record in that department.
BUT, IF NOT, are you considering creating a crisis? You betcha!
And, am I commenting on what I'm supposed to? Yes, and you did an excellent job.
It's difficult to open up without questions to prod me. That's why I have a hard time updating my sitch. Answering questions gives me a way to work through things.
