Gotta Keep Trying 2

[godswill]

I think that the best thing is to remove yourself emotionally - but enable a celebration from the kids of their mother's birthday (not your wife's). It is so hard and not what you want, but they will always have her as their mother and you want to make sure you help them be respectful children and it will show them that you again choose them even when the situation was hard.

I think the cake and whatever else the kids want to do - you make happen - then you can beg out of the celebration. If may upset your youngest - but making the effort to make it happen for them will mean a lot, especially going forward.