Yesterday she did find lots of excuses to contact me. The paper work, medical, christmas plans, etc. We exchanged emails a couple times and a couple texts.
She is so confusing...
My guess as to what is going on...
She feels like for us to be together I should be the ONE. (i agree) She is still so infatuated with the guy she had the affair with we can not be together since she knows that right now she has feelings for someone else.
I guess the only option is the normal DB answer. GAL. Put my time and effort into me.
She still has feelings left for me but her logic is probably something like this. "If I had not married you then I would have been with him and his life and mine would have been better. I missed my chance with my soul mate because of you. If I had ever REALLY loved you I would never have had feelings for someone else. That is how I know we are not meant to be together."
Well those are my random thoughts of the day.
Me 33 WOW 31 Married 12 years 4 YOD 1 YOD(adoption process) Bomb & moved out 4/01/09 Divorced 12/17/09
She still has feelings left for me but her logic is probably something like this. "If I had not married you then I would have been with him and his life and mine would have been better. I missed my chance with my soul mate because of you. If I had ever REALLY loved you I would never have had feelings for someone else. That is how I know we are not meant to be together."
You can try to analyze why she is doing what she is doing or saying what she is saying, but there's a good chance that she doesn't really know how she feels either.
WAS's are not guided by logic. Spouses having affairs are running on emotion (with a healthy pinch of entitlement sprinkled on top).
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
She has told me that "I just can not explain it with logic. I go off alot of feelings. That is just me. I love him and I have always loved him"
Quote:
how did you respond to that?
I think I basicaly just nodded my head. She started crying and it was actually sort of sad to see her so messed up over this guy. No real reaction from me.
Last edited by LiveToLearn; 12/10/0908:14 PM.
Me 33 WOW 31 Married 12 years 4 YOD 1 YOD(adoption process) Bomb & moved out 4/01/09 Divorced 12/17/09
So for the last 5 days. Everyday she has been emailing me about signing the papers. She is really nice and just super obsessed with the divorce. Trying to stop the paper work makes us at odds and that is not a good thing.
I told her "no problem I am going to get them to you ASAP."
I am acting happy and perfectly ok with everything exactly as it is.
Me 33 WOW 31 Married 12 years 4 YOD 1 YOD(adoption process) Bomb & moved out 4/01/09 Divorced 12/17/09
Well today it ended. The divorce was not busted. The judge asked "you guys get along so well are you sure you want a divorce?" I said "it is important to her." No tears from her, no goodbye, no thanks for everything, nothing.
It sucks. I am not sure what I could have done differant. I was commited to divorce busting. I followed my DB counslers advice and read everthing I could get my hands on.
Sometimes there is really nothing else you can do. My wife is gone. My family will never be the same. I am going to move on with my life feeling like I did what I could do.
It is very strange for 13 years, never did one day pass where we did not hug and hold hands. Everyday we showed each other how much we cared. We did it. We really had it, true love. Then one day she wakes up and thinks, I want something differant. This is pretty much how we both see it. She is not sure what it is but she is sure that she is going to go out and find it.
She and I are doing 50/50 custody of our daughter. She lowered the child support to nearly nothing. She really did not take a thing from the house and walked away with out a dime.
Good luck to everyone else.
Me 33 WOW 31 Married 12 years 4 YOD 1 YOD(adoption process) Bomb & moved out 4/01/09 Divorced 12/17/09
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