Ask your children what they want to get Mom for her birthday. Get it and sign a nondescript birthday card along with the kids. Providing a cake, imho, is too much. The REALITY of the path she says she will chose is exactly what I described above. In her fantasy divorce world, you will throw a little cake party so her children can celebrate her and everyone claps when she blows out the candle and give her a gift. In the real world of D, the kids will tell you what they want to get their mother, you will buy it b/c you have the capital and they don't, they'll give her that gift on her birthday and that will be it. Dose her with the reality. You don't give cakes to people who are divorcing you.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
This depends on your children, I think. If they are pretty sensitive to that kind of thing, you could be there for them and just be polite to her. But if your children are thick skinned and not too freaked out by one of you not being there for something, and if you truly don't want to be there, then I'd have a meeting to go to. Does that make sense? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
It does make sense. I am concerned they (esp S-9) would ask why I wasnt there. I do have the same concern re the cake or something small for them to have - cupcakes, etc. I don't necessarily have to be there when they have cupcakes or whatever.
When you ask them what they want to give Mom, if they say cake or cupcakes, get it. If not, I wouldn't do it. Are you going to do that when/if y'all D? Probably not. Don't feed the fantasy.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I think that the best thing is to remove yourself emotionally - but enable a celebration from the kids of their mother's birthday (not your wife's). It is so hard and not what you want, but they will always have her as their mother and you want to make sure you help them be respectful children and it will show them that you again choose them even when the situation was hard.
I think the cake and whatever else the kids want to do - you make happen - then you can beg out of the celebration. If may upset your youngest - but making the effort to make it happen for them will mean a lot, especially going forward.
Me 35 W 37 M 10yrs Seperated 5-23-09 Back in house 8-27-09 Looming seperation again 10-26 Kids: S8, D7
Ok. So, I will take the kids shopping to pick up a small gift from them, as well as a cake/cupcakes for them. Unless you think I am wrong on this (feel free to speak out), I do not think I should get her a card. I will not get her a card on her birthday once we are D'd, so why do it now?
I think that the best thing is to remove yourself emotionally - but enable a celebration from the kids of their mother's birthday (not your wife's). It is so hard and not what you want, but they will always have her as their mother and you want to make sure you help them be respectful children and it will show them that you again choose them even when the situation was hard.
I think the cake and whatever else the kids want to do - you make happen - then you can beg out of the celebration. If may upset your youngest - but making the effort to make it happen for them will mean a lot, especially going forward.
