I have saved all the cards, letters, poems, everything! XH never denies that he loved me, in fact he says he never stopped loving me just fell in love with someone else. It is just plain crazy talk! Love is a feeling, commitment is marriage!
At first my husband said he still loved me but just fell "in love" with the OW. That is just chemicals in the brain talking...But now that he broke it off with her (although they still have the baby bond to go through)he tells me he thinks of me only as a friend. Maybe that is all he needs right now. I could use a bit more though. Sometimes I think my husband's fog maybe lifting and then he becomes an alien again. He asked me to meet him for lunch on Friday. I told him okay. We will see how that goes.
As far as our finances - I split those when this all first started. The only thing we have together is our vehicle insurance and of course the house insurance. We tried to sell our house at short sale but it fell through. So he is going to live there and we are trying to get a loan modification so that he can afford to make the payments without my help.
I hope your short sale works out for you. Will you take your husband back when he finally wakes up realizes what he has lost?
Sorry you are here. I'm sorry any of us are here. The things you are dealing with sound so similar to what I have dealt/am dealing with.
My wife has been pregnant by 2 different OM. Neither carried to term. One by abortion, one by miscarriage. In both cases I was prepared to raise the child as my own. You see, it's not the child's fault. They still deserve to be loved.
And like you, my wife only sees me as her friend. A couple weeks ago she told me that she didn't love me in a romantic way, but just as a friend. I will take that for now because a few short months ago she hated me, so it's a move in the right direction. She said her love for me gradually disappeared, but she told S12 around the same time that she was just pretending for the 13 years we've been married.
For all the things they say, their actions betray them. My wife was so concerned because I got my fleece dirty that she went and got me a new one. And just this morning she texted me to make sure I got to work OK (we've had some bad weather). If I were to bring it to her attention she would just say that she was being a good friend even though she doesn't do this type of stuff for anyone else.
Continue to be his friend. You're building a foundation for later. If you reconcile, you want your relationship to be based on a good friendship.
C Continue to be his friend. You're building a foundation for later. If you reconcile, you want your relationship to be based on a good friendship.
Well I will always be his friend. The one thing I can count on is his friendship. Just this morning he called and and left a message on my phone that it was "really cold out and I should bundle up". I'm sure he called all his guy friends and told them to bundle up also!!! ha ha
[/quote]Well I will always be his friend. The one thing I can count on is his friendship. Just this morning he called and and left a message on my phone that it was "really cold out and I should bundle up". I'm sure he called all his guy friends and told them to bundle up also!!! ha ha [quote]
Cynmad,
Yep, but he doesn't and hasn't loved you!
Whacky Ass MLCer's.
One day at a time.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
That is great he will be your friend, it was going good with XH in October, he was here and we got close, had sex, etc. Then, when he got back to OW he went back in the tunnel and doesn't want to be my friend, says he hates me!
Honestly, I think it has gone way too far for us to get back together. I will never say never and no one knows the future, but it has been really bad and I just don't see that happening. Plus, he swears that him and OW are in love and I am sure are going to get married very soon. That will be a huge mess for so many reasons, but there is nothing I can do anymore. I have gone completely dark, no contact at all since Sat. night!
Our short sale was approved this month and there is a buyer, it is a gorgeous house that I put my heart and soul into. I had the realtor ask him yesterday if he was positive he wanted to do this and XH said "I have run the numbers everyway possible and there is no way to swing it". The realtor and I have become friends, he is very supportive of what is going on, he proceeded to tell XH that I am in a lot of pain and to try to put himself in my place, etc." XH said that what the realtor was describing was "crucial confrontations" type stuff! XH use to do that seminar at work each year, I guess it never sunk in at all!! CRAZY!!!
Keep up the friend thing! Everytime I get to that point OW sabotages it, she is threatened by me! I have texted her before and she is not woman enough to respond at all. If she thinks she will never have to deal with me but be married to my kids father, she is nuts too. Well, she is totally crazy, MLC too!
Of course you are 'more than a friend', he just has no idea what is going on in that mixed up alien brain. Sounds like he is trying to take care of you from a distance, take it slow and he might just get closer and closer!! Hang in there!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
C Continue to be his friend. You're building a foundation for later. If you reconcile, you want your relationship to be based on a good friendship.
Well I will always be his friend. The one thing I can count on is his friendship. Just this morning he called and and left a message on my phone that it was "really cold out and I should bundle up". I'm sure he called all his guy friends and told them to bundle up also!!! ha ha
Patience, patience, patience.
How do you view the whole friendship thing? There are days I handle it well and there are days I struggle and try not to pursue. Do you find the same thing with yourself?
Sometimes it is hard not to say what I am really thinking. I feel like if I don't say something that maybe I am a doormat. It hurts when he talks to me like I never loved him. I hate it. Today he did that. He told me how he went last Saturday morning and layed with OW for an hour to feel the baby move and kick. He has supposedly broke up with her. He says "well I didn't kiss her or have sex with her". He might as well have. He now wants to buy her a Christmas present. (she smoked pot while pregnant with his baby. Isn't buying her a present like saying what she did is okay?)
Why is this so hard? I love him yet I hate his actions. They say you hurt the one you love. But why???
I am having a hard time just being his friend. I want more and it is getting harder and harder. He keeps telling me that I have never let go of him and that we are done. I think I am going down one of those cheeseless tunnels. I need to stop what I am doing and do a 180 right now. Why is it so hard to switch it up?
I saw him more when he was with the OW then I have since he broke up with her. It is almost like if he can't see her then I don't get to see him. Should I go dark? I'm confused. He is pulling further and further away now.
Only you can decide what you should do regarding contact with your H.
I think if you really and truly are willing to deal with this child that you are a better woman than me.
Being their friend, that is very hard. Especially at this point. He is pulling away because he felt you getting closer. They can’t be close to us through this but they don’t always want to be that far away either.
You really have to take what they say with a grain of salt right now. Even the friend thing. Because the truth is, the friendship, will not be what you think a friendship is. It will still be on his terms and may be very superficial. But something many of them want, part of the MLC fantasy, is that they can be our friends.
Take your time, do only what you are comfortable with, and please remember to have no expectations. Of what anything means, of how you think he should be acting, of what he says or doesn’t say. That will confuse you right now. And your H is confused enough for ten people right now.
Read about MLC, others threads here, the archives, the resources. Learn about it. The more you learn and know, the more all of this nonsense will make sense to you.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
He wants us to do a loan modification on our home mortgage. I rent a house and he is living in our house. If we do the modification I will still be on the loan and he will not be able to buy my 1/2 of the house for a long time and if he defaults on the loan I am also liable.
I just don't think I can do this with him and I know he is going to be upset. But I have to do what is best for me. He sure isn't! I think I will tell him after the holidays. I am not going to ruin my holiday because of him.
I would still love to see him sometimes but it does hurt because of what he says and does. I think I need to take a few steps back from him.
I don't bring up our relationship whenever I talk to him but he is constantly throwing it in my face that we are over and we are only friends. I keep telling him I understand that. Last night I even told him I didn't want to be with him. At that moment I didn't. He seems to be on edge a lot lately.
