Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[mulesqb]

Mules,
can you give me some insight on what I should inform my boys about what is going on? I want to be the strong, stable Father for them, and don't want to give them too much to deal with.

SD - You really need to read the boys. It's hard for me to tell you because I don't know how much they know already. For me, I tried to shield them from the situation as much as I could for as long as I could. Because of their age differences I had to treat them very differently. My S15 is extremely intelligent and wise beyond his years. He saw what was going on. I just noticed that he was watching me a lot and looking at my reactions all the time. I was very careful not to ever lose my cool in front of him.

I know that I never initiated a conversation about the sitch. If they asked me a question I answered as honestly as possible without going into any detail. I was always conscious of making sure they knew that they were loved by both their mom and dad. I remember someone posting to me here to never speak ill of their mother. The reason is that they are a result of the two of you. No matter how she is acting, their mom is a part of them. If you speak badly about her, you are speaking badly about them, and that will hurt them. It's true. They also need to know that whatever is going on between you and mom, has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Be as honest as you can without going into detail. My XW denied her R with neighbor to their face a thousand times. I stayed out of it. I took the boys away on vacation last Easter. When we came home it was nighttime and we were walking our dog together only to see my XW in the neighbor's house hanging curtains. That was the only time I lost it in front of the boys. They ended up coming out of the house while we were standing out there and I yelled at them and called them garbage for flaunting their R in front of the kids. My boys were scared something was going to happen. I regretted it every minute since it happened.

Even after that my XW denied her R. She denied it to their face and in therapy with them. My boys ended up finding out about her R in the newspaper. Her BF (the neighbor) was shot and killed in his gas station where he worked. MY XW wrote the obituary in the paper and included that he was survived by his GF (my XW). There were then articles in the paper 4 days in a row about it mentioning my XW. That is how my boys learned the truth. So did our entire community. I know my boys appreciated that I didn't get into it with her, didn't bad mouth her. etc..Believe me, it wasn't easy. The point is your boys will always remember this. It is obvious that this is a big event in their life. Make them look up to you. Make them proud of you. Set an example on how to handle adversity with class and dignity. Take the high road. It's important.

You can handle it.

Strength and Honor.

Mules