Keep documentation regarding how she does not show responsibility as a parent. Being late, missing app'ts, etc. If most of your boundaries for her can show a Judge that you have your boys' best interest at heart....that would help you in a custody hearing.
Whenever she tries to "cake eat"....call her out on it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. I'm guessing when you say "cake eat" you mean when she tries to maintain affair and marriage at same time, see boys whenever, etc, correct?
Correct. Cake-eating is the jargon on this board for having it both ways.
In some cases, the next step would be to separate the finances. She should not be using family resources to finance behaviors that are destructive to the family. It can cut both ways, however, depending on who has the greater income.
I have not contacted soon-to-be-ex-wife at this point. I figure it is irrelevant. Her soon-to-be-ex-hubby is a dbag either way.
I agree about the finances. My income is the larger of the two, but we use her insurance. We can hammer out details on that.
UPDATE: Had our counseling session today. Wife was not very forthcoming about the latest developments. I didn't call MC ahead of time to keep him abreast of developments. So I ended up filling in the large gaps in the info she gave the MC (she said we had agreed to separate, she is in love with him, etc but no details on her escapades). Then she completely shut down-crying, head down, for 45 minutes. Couldn't even look up or talk.
We agreed to meet again in two weeks. I will see her tonight when I return from work and then Saturday at a school event for our oldest.
I'm staying on the path, worrying about me. I think it was a positive sign that my wife broke down, actually, but I'm not going to change my approach or get hopeful and start crapping sunshine. Perhaps she is finally accessing all the shame and guilt. Perhaps not. Who knows.
Thanks Sandi. I'm guessing when you say "cake eat" you mean when she tries to maintain affair and marriage at same time, see boys whenever, etc, correct?
Correct!
Quote:
I think it was a positive sign that my wife broke down, actually, but I'm not going to change my approach or get hopeful and start crapping sunshine. Perhaps she is finally accessing all the shame and guilt. Perhaps not. Who knows.
The sign of tears can mean a lot of different things, but I think it would be to your benefit to not try to guess why she broke down. Remember her emotions rule everything in her right now, and just the pressure of that session and the fact that you spoke up to tell the C what was really going on.....would have been enough to bring tears for some women. Even if she has been emotionally strong in the past...she's a different person now.
I hope she did feel shame b/c that is the first step in her facing the truth as it is......and not how she tries to rewrite history, or her fantasy world she dreams up.
Stay strong.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I haven't contact dbag's wife because I feel like I can always play that card down the line, and right now, I don't see how it would help. I'm trying to "drop the rope" and doing that seems like the opposite.
How does Ohio family law view the the spouse who leaves the home and family? In some states that is considered "abandonment" and gives an advantage to the left-behind spouse. Something to consider.
