Thanks LFH. There are many similarities in our sitchs, especially the timing, our ages, the lengths of our M's. You know, it seems our ball park ages (us and W's), the length of time of our M's and rough ages of our children are a recurring theme on these boards - I haven't tracked it statistically, but the overwhelming majority of people here seem to be right about our ages, length of M's, etc. Weird, but there has to be something to it.
Quote:
No one really knows on her side of the family except the parents.
My in-laws know we are likely getting D'd. But, my W's stance with them is that she will answer any questions, but will not talk to her own parents about "our" private matter. I disagree with this approach and suspect she just doesn't want to have to answer hard questions. One would assume my W's mother, who is on her 2nd M (1st H was NOT a good guy) would be more involved in asking my W about what's going on - if for no other reason than for the best interest of her grandchildren. But, my MIL, while a really nice person, is one of the most unemotional people I have ever met.
Quote:
I don't think there is anything we can do to further improve ourselves that will bring back our wives. They are long gone.
Agreed. I think a lot of the DB'ing is a process to get you ready to know the truth. To accept and handle it. And, I accept this truth, that my W no longer wants to be M'd to me. And, I CAN handle it.
Quote:
So what's next for us? Do we file for divorce or do we continue to live in limbo?
I don't know where I will end up, but I am sure as he!! getting out of limboland. Can't stay there any longer - it, quite simply, is a slow, painful death. At this point, there are two paths, which I will remain open to: (a) Working on the M or (b) taking the M apart. W has said (a) is not something she is willing to do, so, that leaves (b).
I deserve better (we all do). Funny thing is, W admitted I deserve someone who can love me as recently as this week. Trying to be a martyr? Don't know. Not my problem.
I will get my ducks in a row over the holidays and be prepared to move forward in January. Most likely, mediator. I don't want to push this on the kids during the holidays. They will soon suffer too much as it is.
Quote:
Both of our situation are similar in that we draw our wives back in when we pull away. My W is playing "20 questions" with me. Who am I talking to? Where am I going? When's your vacation? Are you going anywhere? What are you doing on your days off? Is your W doing the same?
Not really. She is projecting an image of not caring. Everything is ok unless it infringes on her vision of the future.
She may do this, but I'm not looking for it (not suggesting you are either).
And, I think there is a fine cigar, a filet and a round of golf out there for me this weekend.
