Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey Buddy,

You and I must have been separated at birth my friend! My W's family is celebrating Christmas this Saturday (for the extended family) and I've decided that I'm not going. Tough love I guess. This will be the first time in 13 years that I won't be there. It will be the first time that all of my W's family realize that our marriage is over. No one really knows on her side of the family except the parents. Anyways, my thoughts on this matter are in parallel with your thoughts. I think you're doing great.

I am focusing on self-care and my kids. It's been approximately 9 months since the both of us received our bombs. You and I have worked our butts off trying to become better human beings. And yes...we have improved ourselves quite a bit. However, all of our work has been invisible to our wives. Let's not fool ourselves here. I don't think there is anything we can do to further improve ourselves that will bring back our wives. They are long gone. It has taken me 9 long months to finally figure this out. I accept this fact.

So what's next for us? Do we file for divorce or do we continue to live in limbo? I have gone "somewhat" dark since Thanksgiving, yet being nice, polite, cordial towards my W when she initiates communication. It appears she is doing all of the initiating with higher frequency. Does your wive do the same?

Both of our situation are similar in that we draw our wives back in when we pull away. My W is playing "20 questions" with me. Who am I talking to? Where am I going? When's your vacation? Are you going anywhere? What are you doing on your days off? Is your W doing the same?

Hang in there man!

-LFH