Please Give Me Help

[sandi2]

I personally believe her self-esteem is low b/c of the rape. She probably needs words of affirmation to help with that. Somewhere along the way, she began to feel a lot of pressure in the MR and now I think she's finding a way of escape.

She needs to feel important (like knowing she is first place with you). Men think woman should "know" that they are first b/c of how he works, etc. However, with her feelings, I think she needed an emotional intimatcy with you. In other words.....more conversation than just about kids, weather, etc. She probably wanted to hear about how you "feel" about things. However, now is not the time to talk about your feelins b/c of the R problems. If she talks....be sure you stop everything when she says something and look directly into her eyes. That tells her that what she says matters a lot to you.

Instead of saying the usual "lines" that H's get into a habit in complementing their W's.......say something specific about whatver it is you are praising her about. For example, don't just say, "Hone, that sure was a great dinner you prepared", tell her what part you like or how she prepared it (don't over kill). See what I mean. Same thing about how she looks when going out. Don't just say the usual, "You look nice" but find something new to say specifically about why she looks nice.

Being chatty is not necessarily what she may want right now. AT one time, she may have.......but most WAW's do not want that. But, given this special circumstances.....I would suggest that you show enough interest and response in a conversation that she will know you aren't being cold or withdrawn. A LBH just has to be real careful or he will over kill.

Show that you are upbeat. That would be when you flash the smiles.

IDK about doing whatever you can do that makes her feel "safe" and secure in the R. But again......you need to ask a DB Coach about this. It is not the advice that is normally given to a LBS.