So, the night went by and of course no flowers showed up. I slept a coma like sleep and woke up totally disappointed. At some point, I must realise that things are what they are and no matter how much wishfull thinking I am "practising", the truth is looking at me right in the eyes: He is just not into me. He takes our relationship as granted, pushes me and stretches my boundaries according to his needs and comfort and I am allowing it.
Where to go from here? File? Talk? Ignore? What is it that I want? Wait! I know what I want. I want a mature, committed man by my side. A loving husband, a present father to my kids, a caring friend. FG was right. It has been all about him. His "blockage", his work, his travelling, his time, his lover, his cheating, his choices, his decisions...
I am sitting here at my desk, trying to calm down. I know pretty soon he will be calling as if nothing happened. And I know I will not be able to hold back my thoughts and feelings. K
