It's been one year since I started posting here. Part of me wants to go back and read through it, but the rest of me knows just how painful that would be.
So much has happened and yet so much more needs to happen.
I realized that I don't need this relationship to survive. I thought it would kill me (or at least my spirit) to have to start over but then I found myself sad that I wouldn't be starting over on my own. I have started new hobbies and made some good friends through them. I have lost the friend who got me through the worst of this sitch because she didn't approve of me giving BF another chance.
I am one of the lucky ones, not stuck in limbo for a long time. I can't imagine living in the worst stage for as long as some people here have been and continue to do. And I still have days when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
We seem to just be moving along at status quo without any growth or movement forward until I threaten to leave. Then BF does one good thing and I am placated for a while. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life. Which I have told him. And he says he understands but goes back to the same old behaviors. Until the next time.
And I don't push it because I think I should be more patient. Or am I just being lazy because it's more comfortable to be together than apart?
More things to ponder as a new year approaches.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
