Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Thanks for checking in D- I was wondering how you are doing?
My faith waxes and wanes.
I'm not in the pining for H mode I was in the first time he left.
I feel alot of hurt even though I know I should remember this is the confused alien doing this...

I see a lawyer tomorrow. I mentionned to the lawyer that I didn't want a divorce but I don't think H will go for a legal separation(which is one paper away from a divorce)..but maybe he'll be open to it. We have to go to mediation in Colorado and a mandatory co-parenting class. Learning as I go, sadly.

When H calls and I talk to him and every-so-often as how he's doing he says "fine"...when he's having a hard time he usually says so...so maybe he's really going through with this and believing this will 'fix' his depression.

Been looking back through old journal postings and emails from the first time around. H felt I didn't appreciate him, he felt invisible, he felt lonely.

I know through our work/MC that I was verbally appreciating H alot, I was always trying to engage him in activities/errands.
I was listening better and not interrupting(bad habit).
He did live in a house of three 'women' so I can understand feeling left out a bit, especially if you make no effort to stay involved. I wonder what more I could have done. If its MLC, then I guess the answer is "nothing.".

I guess I do miss him, even though I was trying to convince myself otherwise.