Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

Thankfully, I felt stronger this evening. I usually would get very depressed after the kids spend time with WAH, but not today. I really started considering what WAH's situation is and how he can live with himself and felt sorry for him. He's really ruined his reputation, but I guess it doesn't matter.

Oh, WAH sent me another TM telling me to "good night too".

The kids mentioned that he scraped the side of his car and the rims going through the drive-thru with them and they saw the damage. He told them that it was okay and that the other scratch on his car was when he went through the bank drive-thru. So strange--other times I've seen him get upset over minor scratches. I've never known him to use drugs or suspect it, but now, what kind of judge of character am I? I just think his mind is working overtime because he's out of control. But, I also was suspecting OW's ex getting revenge. I know he is searching for him.

It appears that he's being less of a jerk. But, I'm not letting down my guard. And it's not getting my hopes up. I'm working on staying detached. I'm enjoying the feeling actually.

I know he is keeping tabs on our joint acct and might have noticed a charge at the Breast Cancer Ctr. I had mentioned to him that I had a health diagnosis that scared me and I need lots of tests. He wanted to know what it was, but I didn't tell him. Thankfully, those tests were normal. Going through a scare like that also changed my perspective. Gotta take care of myself first, my kids need me!