First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Just kinda irks me that she turns everything into a fight. Very aggressive about everything. But you are right, I'll leave it alone. I still would like for her to pay for more than just the car insurance. That's such a small amount of money each month. But at least it is better than nothing.

[nutfarmer]

I called the insurance company to inquire about stopping the monthly payment on her car. For me to do that I will have to make two payments in advance. I'm not sure that I want to do that. First of all, I don't want to make two payments and secondly, with both cars being registered to me if she misses a payment and gets into an accident I will be liable. Gotta figure out the best way to handle this.

I suppose that if she does not pay what she agreed to, then you could sell the car.

[wolverine1997]

I don't really want to do that either, we have two kids and she often takes them to school before she goes to work. I think I'll have to play this by ear.

[wolverine1997]

I don't know how people cope with this. I'm to the point where I almost wish that she would just do something and get it over with. The unknowing and uncertainty is maddening. Every time she is on her cell phone in a different room I'm wondering if she is talking to a lawyer. Every time she is gone from home I'm wondering if she is at a lawyer's office or looking for apartments. The not knowing is the worst part.

None of my DB tactics seem to affect her at all. Since I have gone dark nothing has changed for the good or bad. It's been about 2-3 weeks of darkness. She is as ornery as ever. I have been pretty good though, only calling her when it pertains to the kids or something important around the house. And that has not been very often at all. I hate how she just ignores me as if I'm not even there. She will walk into the house right past me and not even speak. I HATE THAT. It drives me crazy but I don't respond or speak. I act as if I could not care less. I doubt that she even notices. But I will stay the course.

She is such in a different world. At some point her bubble is going to burst. For better or worse (hopefully for the better of course) I hope that it is soon. To be honest though, I think that she is going to have to hit rock bottom before she realizes what she is doing and makes changes. She thinks that she is on the ball and can't see the big picture. She has a really big fall coming. If we were to divorce I see her moving in with her parents within a year or at best trying to get a roommate to share expenses. She has never been able to take care of things financially and I don't see that changing anytime soon. She told me today that she is taking more classes next month. She has started and stopped school a thousand times. I'm curious to see how this one goes.

[wolverine1997]

Question to all. At what point do I talk to my wife? Since I've gone dark do I just never say anything to her again? After going dark what is the next step?

[Lotus]

You should try things and do what works. If being dark does not work, you can let it go.

[wolverine1997]

So far nothing has worked. I don't really know what to do next. She seems to be on a mission..........to self/family destruction.

[wolverine1997]

I've been getting really antsy lately and wanting to confront her. I know what she wants to do but don't know when or how. The suspense is killing me. I've gone dark and she hasn't flinched. Should I approach her at some point or just keep the darkness going? I don't know how much more I can take.

[wolverine1997]

Decided yesterday to try to talk to wife to see where she is with lawyer and our family situation and some things that I was planning on doing. I walked up to her and told her that at some point we would need to talk. She immediately became hostile and said that it was nothing for us to talk about and that she already told me what she was going to do. (She assumed that I was going to try to talk her out of a divorce which was not the case at all.) I stayed calm and tried to let her know what I wanted to talk about but she became so belligerent that I just had to walk away. This was my only attempt at talking about our situation at all in months.

Its weird because she is always so hostile and irritated. Just looking at her body language I can see that she has so much pent up anger and resentment. If she could ever recognized that and resolve it she would be such a different person, the old person, a better person.

[robx]

I don't know how people cope with this. I'm to the point where I almost wish that she would just do something and get it over with. The unknowing and uncertainty is maddening. Every time she is on her cell phone in a different room I'm wondering if she is talking to a lawyer. Every time she is gone from home I'm wondering if she is at a lawyer's office or looking for apartments. The not knowing is the worst part.

None of my DB tactics seem to affect her at all. Since I have gone dark nothing has changed for the good or bad. It's been about 2-3 weeks of darkness. She is as ornery as ever. I have been pretty good though, only calling her when it pertains to the kids or something important around the house. And that has not been very often at all. I hate how she just ignores me as if I'm not even there. She will walk into the house right past me and not even speak. I HATE THAT. It drives me crazy but I don't respond or speak. I act as if I could not care less. I doubt that she even notices. But I will stay the course.

She is such in a different world. At some point her bubble is going to burst. For better or worse (hopefully for the better of course) I hope that it is soon. To be honest though, I think that she is going to have to hit rock bottom before she realizes what she is doing and makes changes. She thinks that she is on the ball and can't see the big picture. She has a really big fall coming. If we were to divorce I see her moving in with her parents within a year or at best trying to get a roommate to share expenses. She has never been able to take care of things financially and I don't see that changing anytime soon. She told me today that she is taking more classes next month. She has started and stopped school a thousand times. I'm curious to see how this one goes.

WOW.... 2-3 weeks of going dark

Seriously you're a lightweight.

Going dark works, you know how i know.
Read your own post, she's doing it to you and it bothers you.

As far as you going dark for 2-3 weeks, I doubt it.
You mention talking to her about kids or important things around the house. What important things around the house needed to be discussed? I really want to know what could be so important around the house that needed to be discussed (chores, cleaning, food, seriously I can't even guess what could be that important that required discussion) I'll tell you nothing was that important, it was you just being needy, having to connect to her and communicate to her because you couldn't stand her ignoring you. As for talking about things concerning the kids, like what? Schedules? Work it out so that it's pre-planned and you don't need to talk about it. Let her communicate with you, otherwise learn how to be independant and take care of those things yourself.

Everytime you communicate with her, going dark ceases to be "dark".

Aren't you able to get a life and move on?
Detaching & moving on is really the only way for her to notice you, you're there all the time as it is, what does she have to miss?

Aside from work and taking care of the kids, aren't you busy enough with your own life, I don't understand why do you have any interaction with her?

That's your 2x4 to the back of the head, enjoy!