No matter what the outcome of her life is. I hope she works herself out of this stage and goes back to the loving and caring person she was all her life.
Amen, again. You and me both.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
OK Cutter...if too much has been done, then why not divorce? Why do you want her to file first? I am asking out of sincerity.
I never said too much has been done. Like all of us here. There is lots to repair. I still love my wife very much. I also dislike her very much at the same time. She broke me. Completely. But when I got back up. The love was still there. I have put the effort in to save this marriage. I also put the effort in to divorce. She did nothing. I am the one who wrote the seperation papers out. I am the one who is working on the house to sell it. I am the one dealing with real estate agents, and everything else associated with all this. She does nothing. Just lives this entitled life she feels she has. So I said. F that. She wants this divorce, then she can put the effort in for it. I am going to do nothing. Sit back and let her do some work for a change. So far she has done nothing but remove her clothes and shoes and pays half the mortgage and bills. She is lazy, selfish and spiteful. Why? Because I stopped playing her games. I stepped out of her script.
The first thing I read on this forum. The very first thing I read was this.
Originally Posted By: courts0818
And I'm tired of this lame excuse people give about not being happy - too bad! You made a commitment, stick by it. Do EVERY last thing you can to save your marriage. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, your family, your children and God.
Courts0818 words of wisdom made me realize that I was not alone, not crazy for wanting to repair the marriage. But time moves on. And so do I.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
And I'm tired of this lame excuse people give about not being happy - too bad! You made a commitment, stick by it. Do EVERY last thing you can to save your marriage. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, your family, your children and God.
Courts0818 words of wisdom made me realize that I was not alone, not crazy for wanting to repair the marriage. But time moves on. And so do I.
I agree with courts words. I also had the same realization. How blind we were before the bomb.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am thinking of just a cd of music. I am a music guy and always supplied the music. I my goal is just to show that there is an opening. No words. Nothing.
I will have to do something some time. Or just let it go.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Hi Cutterbug, I just read a little of your posts, but I can totally relate. What you have felt with your W, is what I have felt with my H. I love my H, but these days I dislike him and his actions. It's so hard to try to figure out when it's time to move on especially when in your heart you still feel love.
When I get more time, I'm gonna try to read more to get more info about your sitch. In the meantime, I hope it helps to know that myself and others care. When I say my nightly prayers, I pray for everyone on these boards. Although our situations might be different, they are all too similar. And I think we can all use prayers.
I know what you mean about wanting to shine the light. When I was at the Hallmark store I found myself in the husband section of the cards...why? IDK...I actually found a card that talked about pain and forgiveness in a marriage. I bought it - don't know if I will give it to him though. It was so good that I really want to, but that kinds goes against DB. It's hard though especially around Christmas.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Now I get why you want her to file for D (if that happens)... good point. She should do all the work involved!
About shining the light (beautiful metaphor BTW!): Did you let your WAW know you still love her before you went NC? I mean did you give her a NC letter of some kind? Does she know that you don't want a divorce?
I hate to say this, but the gift idea seems like chasing. It also seems a little confusing, like sending mixed signals. You are not contacting her and have not for almost 3 months. Then you give her a gift of mixed music and a card...it is a very sweet and personal gesture.
I also remember my DB coach's advice: don't do anything drastic until the holidays are over. He said we tend to get emotional/sentimental/lonely/exuberant/depressed during this time so it blows things out of proportion (good or bad).
So that is my opinion. Heck, I truly would not be surprised if she reached out to you in some way, but it might be an email or text or would she give you a Christmas card?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Do not worry. Cutter is not going to give her the cd. But cutter is going to go through the motions. I am cycling this week. So working it out of my system.
I am going to buy her the xmas tree decoration that I buy her every year. And put it up on the tree in the house. I am going to make the cd and write the card.
But I am not going to send it.
Just need to work it out of my system.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
