Hope and heartache

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I agree with Sandi.

Puppy

[givingitmyall]

I agree with Sandi.

Puppy

Ditto.

[awest1217]

I would say move back as well. You want to keep things going and if W wants the money she will have to deal with you being at home. It will be best for you financially. The only thing to think about on your end is can YOU handle being in the house with W if she is going out and moving on. GALing will be different. Just some things to measure. Financially I say good, but emotionally it will be harder than now. You need to be ready for it.

[mishka422]

awest just said exactly what I was about to say. Only move back in if you can handle that. Just know that proximity will intensify the pain if she keeps steamrolling ahead.

Is renewing your lease going to cause more financial strain or just more of the same?

What is worse?

[ClingingToHope]

Two things about moving home. Wouldn't that end any chance of R? Isn't the goal to make them miss you until they WANT you back?

Second, the girls. Moving home would give them false hope we are getting back together and make it doubly tough when it eventually didn't work out?

[awest1217]

All things to weigh BEFORE you make the decision.

[ClingingToHope]

Talked to W briefly today. Kid stuff. I had texted her about Sunday. She mentioned to D10 going to an event we always went together as a family. It's my weekend though. She told D10 she traded Sundays with me. I got them last week while she was in Chicago and she could take them to this event.

That's not true. I got them last Sunday so she could go shopping with her mom and leave the girls at home because she couldn't afford to take them since we're separated.

She never mentioned this Sunday.

But I let it go when she called. D10 and D7 really look forward to this thing every year -- they get a present -- and I'm not going to stand in their way. The only weird thing is that W said I could bring them up there. I hesitated. I didn't know if she was saying I could come to the event or just be the driver.

She jumped in and asked if she wanted me to pick them up and then drop them off after. I said yes.

A good day overall. I'm doing an end of decade project at my job -- my idea and I get to do all the research -- and that helps me take my mind off things.

I stayed late and then headed to the Y to shoot baskets. Did that for 30 minutes and then ran a mile.

Then for some strange reason, it hit me, as much as I love basketball, I would rather be at home with my family. I bounce around from idea to idea -- move home in January and force W's hand, just file for divorce in May and cut the cord or trust that I am the "one" for her and wait it out.

I still haven't been able to control my thoughts. Oh well, a week to my next counseling session.

[ClingingToHope]

Happy 7th anniversary to me. Seven months separated. D7 and I are going to a Christmas party while D10 goes with W to try out for a play.

[ClingingToHope]

Tonight went OK. Got to my old house and had to wait for W to get there before I could leave with D7.

D10 was psyched for her tryout. When W got home they still had paperwork and stuff to fill out.

I was getting D7's stuff and W started to say she'd drop D10 off after the audition.

D10 told her she wanted to stay with her in case there were callbacks and I said that's fine with me.

W kept trying to figure out a way that D10 should stay with me. She said she had a charity event in the morning from 9 a.m. to noon.

I asked her if there was any reason D10 couldn't stay with her tonight and she looked at me and said she wanted to wrap the presents.

This is where perhaps I didn't handle it the best. I could have smiled or showed some sympathy. Instead, I just gathered up D7's stuff and said let's go. One of the DB rules is to not be cold and I broke it.

D7 and I had a great night. We hit the pet store -- she just likes to pet the cats -- the grocery store and then headed to a co-workers Christmas party.

There was supposed to be other kids there but D7 was it. Didn't matter. They have two boxers who love kids and D7 spent a lot of time with them. They have a big screen TV which is connected to NetFlix and they kept ordering kids shows for her. And she nibbled on chicken and cookies all night and found several adults to tell her stories to.

We got there at 6:30 p.m. and didn't leave until I made her leave at 11:30 p.m. She outlasted several adults.

I'm not sure what W is doing, but it doesn't matter. This was our memory. W can't have any of it.

[mishka422]

Sounds like a fun night with D7. Glad you got to do that.