I also came from a broken home where my father was noticeably absent...It was hard. Our set up was the every other weekend thing, which would've been fine but he was never around on those weekends (Left me with evil stepmom), never showed up to my basketball games or track meets or the plays I was in. Those were the things that created a distance between us and was difficult for me.

I love reading your thread, I really familiarize myself with it. My previous sitch was very similar but also vastly different. My WAF(iance) left me and my son when he was just 5 months old. However, I knew for WAF that it was 100% over and didn't make any attempt at reconciling with him, nor did I want to when I found out he cheated. He also wanted nothing to do with his son, so when I came back home (I moved 2 hours away from home to be with him) I made it my mission to find a good, decent, stable father for my son while he was still young enough to not know the difference. (hence the diffs in ours sitch's)

I know how hard and lonely it is parenting a baby yourself - it has an entirely different set of tribulations that go along with it. Guilt is something us mothers feel towards our tiny ones regardless, but when they get a bad start to life right off the bat it just intensifies those feelings so much. I totally understand what motivates you to try so hard to your M work and commend you for that! I do think you are doing an amazing job and are an amazing person for stepping up to the plate the way that you have. In addition, I am also not the best/cleanest/motivated housewife and most of my friends are not, either. All of us get lazy in some aspect of life, it just happens. Do not blame yourself for that or think that justifies him - it happens to all of us!!! (Especially when you are pregnant for petes sake!)

BTW, I am QUEEN of overanalyzing! While I think to a point it can be unhealthy, to some degree it is theraputic for me to really think things through as it gives me a feeling of control when reality says I really don't have much.

As for him being super nice...I think it could be super bad (Buttering you up because you truly DO hold ALL the power when it comes to him and his son)

or

super good (He wants to keep things open with you in case things with OW don't work out).

YAY! on the gorgeous hair! I bet that made you feel GREAT!

As for visitation if you have a BF: A few things on this. First, I guess until things were really serious between you and new BF, you could just schedule your time together on opposite days WH comes over to drop of your son. OR have him hide out in your bedroom smile haha. But, eventually, your WH is gonna have to see him - especially if its gets serious enough to where you move in. I can't fathom that WH would enforce a double standard that OW can see/hang w/ baby but your BF can't????? If so, tough! Again, his choice NOT yours.

If he does get suspicious and ask questions, just be evasive about it and tell him you are making lots of friends and seeing where things go - nothing serious (yet). Do you really believe he would up and file a D in a rage of madness because he just suspects your dating w/o confirmation?

I think the idea is to just let him mull the idea of it (you dating) around awhile in his head so that he can see the ramifications of what he is doing. Like I said, my H's biggest fear is that some other man would step in his shoes and take his place. That fear for him is HUGE. I have no idea if your WH has really considered that as a possibility based on his own actions. Perhaps if he did, and felt that jealousy rise up, it may make him stop and think about his life with OW and how it compares to what he is giving up. (ie, it doesn't!)