Ok - so today I woke up sick as a dog with a stomach flu and running a fever all day. I just stayed in bed and slept. Wanted to pull myself together and get on the phone to find a lawyer but everytime I tried, I just got sick again so figured tomorrow is another day.
Fever just broke a couple hours ago and I'm starting to finally feel a little better. Today while in my room with door closed I heard H this morning before work. Then again at lunchtime. He never came to my room and no calls or texts.
I had to leave our house a little while ago too, even with as crappy as I'm feeling to come and do a housesitting/catsitting job for some friends for this whole week while they are gone on vacation. So I won't be home for the rest of the nights during this week.
Will try to see what I can find out tomorrow and start sorting through all this mess. Can't wait to get through this swamp and mire and hopefully come out clean on the otherside eventually as a brand new AFG with a fresh start in life.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Last night I found my state's bar lawyer referral service system. This morning I put in my request for a referral. Based on my sole income situation, it looks like I qualified for a referral to an atty where an initial complimentary 30 minute consultation would be given. The referral service gave me a local female atty. I called her office first thing this morning and have an appt for tomorrow morning.
When the lawyers secretary started asking me about the sitch and I started to explain that things had been peaceful between us while we are still living in the same house up until this weekend when H decided to bring his girlfriend to spend the night in our house. Secretary was SHOCKED and I broke down. Anyways, I'm just glad to be having the strength to be moving along in this process.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Very good job. My attny's legal assistant was an absolute angel. She is one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of working with and during my 18 months of litigation I broke down many times. And she held my hand and gave me tissues each step of the way. Divorce attnys and their staff have a very clear picture of how delicate, hurtful and emotionally charged ending a marriage is.
Since you only have 30 min. of free consult time you might want to make a list/outline of the timeline of events, any evidence you have, a brief overview of your finances, what you hope to seek from a settlement and any questions you have so the time can be used in the most efficient manner possible.
I was scared to death when I first met w/my attny and his staff and they could not have been nicer or more helpful. I left three hour meeting feeling very safe, protected and empowered. I think you will experience the same thing.
You are strong, that is crystal clear based on how you handled the GF sleeping over. You can do this. Sending good thoughts your way!
That is the exact reason that I feel finding a good divorce attny is so crucial. I felt such relief after I left that first meeting I almost wept in the parking lot. I finally felt like I had somebody on my side to deal with my H's crap and the burden was lifted from me.
My attny was a true gentleman, very kind, very soft spoken and an all around good guy. He is a well known and well respected attny among his peers and the court officers. For a brief blip in time I almost thought he was too nice and I worried what would happen in court as my H had a dirty snake of an attny. The moment my attny and I walked into the courthouse ALL those fears evaporated because he turned into exactly what I hoped he would... firm, impressive yet still a gentleman. When he walked into that courtroom he simply commanded respect and it was clear he would not listen to one second of BS. He protected me like I was his own kid!
Just remember you are interviewing this attny and there is no harm in talking to a few different firms to find the best fit for you. I chose my attny based on his record against the attny my H hired, the firms general reputation, client reviews I read online and the general feel I got during that first meeting. Had I felt even a tiny bit "off" I would not have retained them.
One thing I can share is if you do opt to retain the attny you are meeting with, you will feel such a sense of relief that you have a "helper" that alone will be empowering.
Went to meeting with lawyer this morning. Don't think I had that feeling or connection with her, but I think I did get some good advice/insight on the process and what I need to do from here. She confirmed that I do have terms to ask for spousal support and even talked of PERMANENT alimony - music to my ears at this point. Don't know if she'll be the one to retain. Think I might check into a few others still.
But anyways, I will be gathering together my thoughts and making a list of everything that I want from this divorce. Best case scenario is to present to H and have him agree to it without getting into any major battles - we settle it ourselves and then have the paperwork drafted, filed, and then M dissolved by a judge.
Get a text from H this afternoon "Want to speak with you tonight." 12 minutes later "Are you planning on responding?" Then 16 minutes later "A simple response will do. No need to ignore a question." An hour after that I responded with a text back "I will set up a meeting with you when I finish having everything prepared, until then I'm not available." Get a phone call from him almost immediately after that, which I didn't answer. Voicemail message left from him "I need you to call me back when you have a second - curious to know what there is to prepare - why you can't even speak with me when you have to prepare, i'm kind of curious on that one - so, if you would please call me back."
My plan is to set up a meeting with him when I have the terms of the divorce settlement that I will be asking for finished and ready for him to sign. Until then, I have nothing to hear from him and nothing to say to him.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Hot d@mn! He is shaking in his boots! Keep him off balance, AFG. Don't forfeit anything at this point. He clearly KNOWS what peril his little escapade put him in - don't relieve him of a bit of his worry. You're doing great, little sister. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
AFG, the less he knows the better. Let him suffer. I'm all for anything you can do to make his life miserable. I don't think you should talk to him at all. I know you want to be nice and save money, but when the subject of alimony comes up expect him to fight. He won't be reasonable. Personally, I would retain the best shark, hardass D-lawyer in the state and take him for whatever he's got and more.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Thank you for asking. Yesterday sucked. Emotions (anger, sadness, loneliness, dejection, rejection, depression) all came pouring out of me, felt like every nerve in my body had been spliced open and left exposed in the open air. But I only let that linger for a couple hours last night and then pulled myself back together. Kinda had to give myself a smack with a 2x4 and realize that even though I still want to pick up the phone and call H and hear the old H, he's no longer there. I have to keep reminding myself that he died (symbolically) and what was our M died with him.
Today, much more empowered and back on the track of feeling self-confident, self-reliant, self-willed, and self-determined to give my self the great life I am so deserving of.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
