You make some good points about HIS POSSIBLE REACTIONS being out of my control and a good point about detachment not meaning that you feel nothing.
He is altogether too sure of me, though, so I think that there will be some reaction. Yes, I think the being gone at unusual times is key. I can think of a few things there.
I realize that I can only control myself and my reactions (and sometimes not even those).
Hey SG.... yeah, I disagree with dating because it brings an innocent bystander into the situation. No matter what you tell them, it just isn't fair to them, or to you, in my opinion. I really don't think you should date unless you really are done with your M. Then, I have no problem with it.
Good point VH. I would add that dating may bring a WAS back, but I suspect it is for the wrong reasons - jealousy, anger, insecurity. It seems to me that in that case, the real issues with the M have been band-aided, but they needed surgery - so, they are bound to come back.
It would seem a LBS would prefer to have the WAS return for the right reasons - they want the LBS.
Hey SG.... yeah, I disagree with dating because it brings an innocent bystander into the situation. No matter what you tell them, it just isn't fair to them, or to you, in my opinion. I really don't think you should date unless you really are done with your M. Then, I have no problem with it.
Good point VH. I would add that dating may bring a WAS back, but I suspect it is for the wrong reasons - jealousy, anger, insecurity. It seems to me that in that case, the real issues with the M have been band-aided, but they needed surgery - so, they are bound to come back.
It would seem a LBS would prefer to have the WAS return for the right reasons - they want the LBS.
Amen that, GIMA. I gotta tell ya - if my H had dated while we were separated, it would have KILLED any chance we had of reconciliation. Greek
He's way too wise, confident and sure of his abilities to need or even want to date. Plus he knows, sees and appreciates his woman even then. I can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Plus he knows, sees and appreciates his woman even then.
And that is kind of my point in commenting. WAS says "enough" - sick of being invisible, needs not met, love tank empty...whatever his/her story is. How will he/she feel once the LBS starts DATING? Even worse than before. Maybe jealous. But at the heart of it will be something that feels like "There must be something wrong with me." Problems are now bigger than they were to begin with. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Plus he knows, sees and appreciates his woman even then.
And that is kind of my point in commenting. WAS says "enough" - sick of being invisible, needs not met, love tank empty...whatever his/her story is. How will he/she feel once the LBS starts DATING? Even worse than before. Maybe jealous. But at the heart of it will be something that feels like "There must be something wrong with me." Problems are now bigger than they were to begin with. Greek
I don't believe in dating while M. It has never been an option for me although I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my H would be devastated by that.
Okay, I hear you all loud and clear, and what you say makes sense. However, my H assures me he does not have the "jealousy or insecurity" wiring. Sometimes I feel the need to test that.
I don't believe in dating while M. It has never been an option for me although I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my H would be devastated by that.
Neither do I. Moral issue for me and for the reasons stated earlier.
Now, that said, there's nothing worng with him having the belief you ARE dating. Which is where being mysterious comes in. But, one thing Sandi told me early on was not to lie. Being vague is not lying.
