New to the Divorce Situation

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

Met with Dr and prescribed Pristiq for anti depression. Took Meds, 3 weeks is about kick in time. Dr also requested blood test to check my hormones etc to see if anything else is contibuting to my depression, anxiety..

Picked up D's and went food shopping, D's commenting that there's not much food in the home. It's not like the kitchen is bare, just a lot less volumne/variety. W still gets bills for online clothing store, gets nails done, has a lady come to the home to clean up once a week etc, so it's not like the money is not there... pissed me off. So I go and get some things for about a week and come home and W shows up same time.

I tell W the kids say there wasn't much, so I picked up a few things.. She thanks me for helping and we go inside. I tell W I'm staying overnite for early Dr appt and she says no problem.

Anxiety down, stress down, no stomach knots .. about 2 hrs later W gets a call from a female and the begin having a laughing conversation about how fun her night out this past Sat.. I'm in ear shot and W speaking in above avg tones and it just starts to tear into me about the girfriends, drinking, keeping each other from going over the line etc... All my symptoms come raging back.. I stay silent, keep sitting with my girls.. after 5 min she hangs up and continues working on the computer...

I get up tell her, I'm going to bed and then W asks me if I'm available to pick my son up at this Sat morning at 4:30 am (coming back from school function road trip). W has a work xmas party 40 miles away at a posh hotel and her g/fs are getting rooms. (I make a joke about me being invited and W says she just going out with G/fs)

I tell her I'll get back to her, because I have plans myself. W says if I can't she'll have to do it.. I am going to let W get my son but I'm going to wait til the end of the week to tell W.

My observations are that W runs hot/cold. Pleasant, smiles when we meet, cordial..then she goes about her business and does not say word one to me...I definitely believe Goldeylox was right when she said my anxiety is still too high to move back in this Wednesday. I went into a room where I didn't know she was and she quickly put something in her work bag and zipped it up. I joked she didn't have to make it so obvious and W tells me shes setting boundaries.....of course my curiosity is screaming but I tell W, fine I have no prob with your personal space... I leave and return to bed....

Hope the meds kick in quick.. I'm trying so hard to DR, but my insides are ripping apart.

[DDogs]

Sandi2, Puppy dog tail, Goldeylox..

Others with some feedback

I would sincerely appreciate any input, comments, concerns

Thank you.

Feeling unusually low today..

[Ready2Change]

Others with some feedback

I would sincerely appreciate any input, comments, concerns

Feeling unusually low today..

I would like to suggest that when you feel low, change your thoughts and your feelings will follow. When you feel low, STOP, realize what you are thinking, and then 180 it to something positive. Right now, clear out your thoughts, and start thinking about a very positive experience you have had, and then feel the feelings that follow. Selfless acts are good places to start.

I would also like to suggest that when you feel low, change what you are doing. If you are sitting and dwelling, stop thinking, and go do something you enjoy. Get on a bike and go for a ride, go to starbucks and get a drink, turn on some uplifting music, go for a walk, go get a massage, paint a picture...DO SOMETHING THAT YOU ENJOY.

I understand this is hard and confusing time in your life. Keep your focus on making positive changes in your life. Just remember that everything will be OK.

[sandi2]

Dr also requested blood test to check my hormones etc to see if anything else is contibuting to my depression, anxiety..

I apologize if I've told you this before, but I had to try many AD's before I found one that I could tell helped. The main thing is that you do not stop all at once. That can even lead to suicide with some. Let your doctor decide when you are ready to get off the meds and then he will probably tapper off.

I for one will say Amen to getting your hormones checked throughly. Some people do not listen to advice about it but it is so serious when they are out of balance. I can't begin to tell you how bad mine were. When I think of how many years I was messed up.....it really is sad. There's nothing like feeling "normal".

I'll tell you this much.....and I don't say it very often b/c I don't want it to sound like my "crutch", but I believe my thought process (not to mention my actions) was so out of whack b/c of my health...that it played a part in my WW ways.

I grew up hearing my relatives refer to meds as "drugs" and how they weren't going to get addicted to that stuff. I will probably have to take AD's for the rest of my life, and you know what? That's okay if that's what it takes for me to feel like a normal person.

It sounds like you may need to see somebody about your anger problems, but then again....the AD might take care of that, IDK. That is another reason you may want to wait a little longer before moving back home. At the place you are right now....I'm concerned you couldn't deal very well. Look at how just one night affected you. The pressure gets to be too much and you seem like you are going to blow.

The evening the W & kids came over was really good. Keeping things light and staying away from serious things (even TV shows) will make it a better time.

[DDogs]

SANDI2, Thanks for your input

It sounds like you may need to see somebody about your anger problems, but then again....the AD might take care of that, IDK. That is another reason you may want to wait a little longer before moving back home.

Just curious Sandi, what do you perceive as an anger problem?

Anxiety down, stress down, no stomach knots .. about 2 hrs later W gets a call from a female and the begin having a laughing conversation about how fun her night out this past Sat.. I'm in ear shot and W speaking in above avg tones and it just starts to tear into me about the girfriends, drinking, keeping each other from going over the line etc... All my symptoms come raging back..

By this I meant suddenly, all the previous anxiety, stress, knots just kicked right back in.

I'd always believed the stereotypes of AD meds growing up and the stigma with them.. now I realize the benefits and am regretful I didn't make use of them previously, Male macho BS...

Day 3 on a new AD med, and MC with the W coming up this AM. I stayed over night at our home again (early Dr appt again). So last nite my D and I made dinner for everyone. W arrives and was cordial/civil. Afterwards, W and Kids straightening up the place a bit so I help the kids. We finish and I ask W what help she needs. Very cool reply but the kids and I help and we finish the rest.

W and D1 in master bedroom watching TV, I put D2 to bed and I go into the Master to retire and W tells D1 time for bed. W leans over kisses me on cheek and says goodnight. mixed signals???

Still finding it very difficult to detatch,,, anyone with other effective ways to help this along???

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

W says she is done trying to work on things and asks to go into mediation prior for divorce. Mediation to be scheduled for next week.

Anyone know what typ of options I may have?

[DDogs]

I do not plan to give up or to quit my 180's or DR'ing

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Not sure what state you're in, Ddog, but I would never recommend mediation until you've FIRST retained your own attorney -- each of you.

A mediator works out -- mediates -- what's ALREADY AGREED TO. Unless you and your wife's issues are 100% amicable and 75%+ in agreement, I'd recommend a good family law attorney, first.

Puppy

[DDogs]

I agree with the separate lawyers, PDT.. However, My Lawyer comes highly recommended and W has a shark with killer track record. I am willing to be fair and I was hoping for mediation as way to "soften" the damage without adversarial context..

I still plan on 180s and DR'ing

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If you can use the mediator to mediate, but still have your own atty advising you, then that is the best of both worlds.

Everything has to be balanced against what you would likely end up paying if she were to fight you. Your atty can help you understand what your potential exposure is here.

Puppy