I'm a source of chit chat comfort. He has such an easy tone to his voice now. I've backed WAY off, as far as initiating conversation/interactions. Just keep it up?
Yes. It's working isn't it? He's initiating contact... doesn't matter about what. He is keeping in touch. He's letting you know what he's doing... most of the time. Can't remember, but wasn't that one of your complaints before?
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
of course keep doing what your doing!!! this is working!
and for real, now I'm not a guy, but because of all the craziness and time frame, and G please help, I know we mentioned before that a guy would be all over you...and I said no because of the time frame...
NOW, that we know, MF just said... if I can remember HOW to flirt.
lets think...if she has not flirted at all (or much anyways) how do you think the H will feel about that? Do you think that he should still try to get some?
If I compare him to my own H, we didn't ML very often for the years coming up to our almost D, and he even said during our sitch that he was fine with our sex life. I thought the problem was something totally different. Well guess what. I got way horny during that sitch because I couldn't have him, so I was as big a flirt as ever, and although he seemed like he was unmoved...(didn't reciprocate much but didn't say no very well either) BUT as things progressed and he started walking down my path instead of her path...and after how our sex life has been since...woah. totally totally different. and OBVIOUSLY there was a problem before, because I just thought he didn't want to do it cause, 1 he didn't think I was attractive enough, and 2 he was tired, and 3, I thought he had got his wild side out and was "old".
I was totally wrong. and the #1 change for it? was because I started flirting and initiating and acted like he turned me on!
He says even now that he thought I was the one who didn't want to ML much, and I'm like, are you crazy? I would have never said no!! but I just didn't show him the way I needed to for him to understand.
So, I will be excited for you to start flirting sometime! when your ready. take baby steps.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
If I compare him to my own H, we didn't ML very often for the years coming up to our almost D, and he even said during our sitch that he was fine with our sex life. I thought the problem was something totally different. Well guess what. I got way horny during that sitch because I couldn't have him, so I was as big a flirt as ever, and although he seemed like he was unmoved...(didn't reciprocate much but didn't say no very well either) BUT as things progressed and he started walking down my path instead of her path...and after how our sex life has been since...woah. totally totally different. and OBVIOUSLY there was a problem before, because I just thought he didn't want to do it cause, 1 he didn't think I was attractive enough, and 2 he was tired, and 3, I thought he had got his wild side out and was "old".
Gee, ST... you couldn't have described our life (prior to 12/2007) any better!! Down to what "I" thought was "our" cause...
Hmmmmmmm.....
ST - So, H loves to be adored. D18 fawns all over him like he's a freaking legend, the funniest thing that ever lived, etc... You can just see him SOAK it up. I mean, come on, I've heard all of these DUMB jokes 800+ times! And, she just LAUGHSLAUGHSLAUGHS... Asks her friends, "Did you just hear that one?" And, "OH, Geez, DAD, tell that story again about the blahblahblah...." I think she gets him better than I do! LoL Maybe I need to work that?!
Last edited by mindfull; 12/09/0910:09 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
He's usually pretty good at keeping me apprised of what he's doing (that I know of!!!). He just wasn't much of an initiator of conversations (w/in the past year+) because I think he just wasn't interested, wasn't really liking me, etc...
That is starting to shift... this past week. A bit...
Now if that dam* phone would not be so out of sight!
If I had a chance to touch it, I'm not sure I'd even look, I'd hurl that SOB into the f'n river outside my window!
OK... back in control now.
And, G, I've only said that F word 2x today. Once in the privacy of my office.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
There will come a time when that phone is out of his reach. I honestly and sincerely hope there is nothing going on. I pray that its just the stress and the need to be on standby all the time.
Have you ever tried this acid test?
M: Hey, pass me your phone. H: Why? M: I want to test something... H: What? M: A cool trick I read about. C'mon, gimme... [hold out hand and don't take no for an answer]
If he has nothing to hide he'll hand it over and you can go through the history... if he tries to peak over your shoulder shrug him off with, "Hey, don't crowd me... you'll ruin the surprise"
I hope hands it over.
When done say, "Shirt, that didn't work!" If he asks what was supposed to happen say you heard about an Easter Egg hidden on his make of phone.
If he doesn't hand it over then be prepared to LAY DOWN THE LAW and I'm holding you to this:
Quote:
I'd hurl that SOB into the f'n river outside my window!
-------- EDIT: Oh yeah, and congratulations on taking control of that F-word.
G. That's genius! Ill do it, but AFTER my prpcedure on the 28th. I don't want to get myself all pissed off! You are so appreciated!
Oh, and Kalni! My flannels are soooo warm and yummy! I'm laying in them now, in a huge wool fishermans sweater, too! (She will cringe! But, H is traveling... I did add a nice lavendar scent to them, though! Love it!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
