MEN HATERS! unless they are putting out I would quit talking to them if I was you. Are they the source of all your confusion?
LOL! I use them to try to gain insight into my W's state of mind. They are definitely not man haters, but they do show me exactly what WAW's say about their M and H. I know I'm only getting their side. I don't know about your experience, but at my age, the vast majority of single women are WAWs. I did meet one woman who was the LBS of a WAH. She was very wounded, but what I'm finding is that WAWs are just as wounded, just in a little different way.
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I read through your posts and I see:
I am done with this marriage / I am going to give her a paper on how divorce affects children
I am done with this marriage / hopefully I can get her to work on this marriage
I am done with this marriage / I just need to work a bit on the loving stance.
I have to ask you do you feel confident about your "plan"? and whats this future?
I am not done with this marriage, but I felt I needed to take that stance to create crisis in my W. That seemed to be what drew her toward me in the past, so I swung for the fence. I don't know how I feel about my plan. I know I needed to do something different. I've made it clear here that I am in unfamiliar territory, and I am unsure of what I'm doing. That's why I come to this board.
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Your loving gestures and stance has not worked over the past two years. Wouldnt you think that by attempting it now, after "the email" requesting separation/divorce/financial protection whatever you want to call it, your wife is going to view it as contradictory to what you are trying to convey? maybe even desperate?
I share three little kids with this woman. For me to give her a piece of paper with a drawing our daughter made for her is hardly desperate. It's showing her that I know we are still co-parents to our kids. I thought it would help convince her that I am moving on, that I'm not emotional about these things any more. I'm trying to treat them as just matter of fact now. I thought a valid strategy is to create confusion in the WAWs mind. That's one thing I'm trying to do. It sure as h*ll worked on me this year.
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You dumped her! Stop pursuing her! The key to making this work is she needs to turn around and begin pursuing you!
I'm not pursuing her. Other than to deal with minimal child issues, and this issue with her waterlogged stuff in the basement, I haven't communicated with her in any way since I sent my message.
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She gave up! She is following the best advice. When someone dumps you, move on. Stop talking with them; lose the emotion connection asap. If you dont mirror her I think your plan is destined to fail.
You're right, she is doing the right thing, because it has me wondering. I disagree she lost the emotional connection, because otherwise she'd have no problem going to the house to get her stuff.
But you're right, I am too worked up over all this. I need to just live my life. I understand you're trying to get me to actually be and feel what I'm trying to portray to my W. I'm working on it. Like I've said many times, if it weren't for our three kids, I would be just fine. When I don't have the kids, I'm living a fun single life. But when I get them, I start to long for my W and my family life back. I'm not sure how to get over that.
