First just being ornery. Then being all bohemian. Lots of fear of standing up before God and man and swearing a life together when SO many people get divorced. Fear of total commitment.
He would have married me in a second--NOT that we ever REALLY discussed it. More of the silence in our otherwise active, compatible, romantic relationship.
The super sad part is that I wanted to break the silence and talk about marriage--to get married--these past few years. But didn't have the courage.
But honestly, I have to imagine the dynamic in our R would have been the same, M or not. I wouldn't have been any more passionate (lack of sex was one reason he gave--though we had been having lots of good sex in the months leading up to the A) I probably wouldn't have changed my keep-my-distance attitude. I would have been the same person--just married to him--that I was.
So no marriage makes it easier for him to walk away. And yes, my heart regrets not speaking what I felt.
So that is my work.
And yes, cutterbug, with no children, why would he contact me? what's to say?
Lots of rubber bands on the wrist tonight! I have some girlfriends lined up. Time to enter the lion's den. Won't be pushed out of my town activities.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
