"Considering all of the recent deceit on your part, I really don't think a 'date' on Saturday is appropriate at this time. I have decided that I will no longer be disrespected that way. I will not live in an open marriage and share my husband with another woman. I wasn't a perfect wife but I will not tolerate the affair in our family home. It is disrepectful to me, our marriage and our family.
You need to terminate all communication with OW IMMEDIATELY and if you don't, I think it is best that YOU move out. I will not live in a marriage like this. I want you to find another place and be out of here by as soon as possible."
The conviction in your voice will let him know how serious you are. This isn't a dialouge. It's not negotiable.
I might not leave the timetable open ended. Replace "as soon as possible" - with "__________ days if not I will pack your stuff and put it in the garage."
If you get lost, say nothing, think of all of us, smile on the inside and get back on track. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And many thanks for the eye opener as I would still be unhappy and oblivious. The truth hurts but at least now I can make my decisions knowing what cards he has up his sleeve.
Correct!
I, for the LIFE of me, will NEVER understand how it can somehow be BETTER to be ignorant and in the dark about such important matters. I prefer "Always be in the superior knowledge position" to "Ignorance is bliss," any day of the week.
Saying a prayer for you RIGHT NOW, MG, that you will be strong and confident tonite. WRITE OUT YOUR SCRIPT
REHEARSE IT.
OUT LOUD, preferably, if you have a private place you can do it.
Visualize yourself saying the words, getting his objections, and then handling them with confidence and grace.
It really does make a difference. Preparation + Prayer is a DEADLY combination for a deceitful person to have to face!!!
It really does make a difference. Preparation + Prayer is a DEADLY combination for a deceitful person to have to face!!!
Indeed. Which is more intimidating to face:
* A screaming and crying woman
or
* A calm and confident woman
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I find the less words to make the point the better. (It is easier to remember and stronger).
Here is my spin:
Quote:
Considering all your deceit, I feel a 'date' Saturday is NOT WHAT I WANT. I have decided that I will no longer be disrespected. I will not live in an open marriage. I will not share my husband with another woman. Nor will I tolerate any disrespectful behavior to me and my family.
I want all contact with OW to stop IMMEDIATELY. If you choose not to this, I feel it is best that YOU move out as soon as possible.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I did it. Gave H speech. H was on computer – told him I needed his complete attention so I could look him in the eyes: Speech given – a little nervousness came out in my voice but overall all my rehearsing served me well. H – ok Me – fair? H – ok I walk upstairs.
H comes up after a few minutes. [overall summary of conversation to follow– I can't recall all the specifics and sorry if its disjointed] H – so you wanna talkabout this Me - [shrug shoulders] H – we are just friends you know Me – You don't keep friends secret H – She is someone I can talk to Me – I want to see your cell/hotmail/ipodtouch/email/facebook now
H gives me phone and OW texts “what” next text “how. Ur are scaring me” [he has deleted previous text/call log since I looked at it the other night] H wanted to know how I found out and told him I wasn't going to tell, that it was irrelevant.
H - “can you blame me” Me - “yes, for the affair, yes”
H says we should sell the house and cohabitat until then in order to ease my adjustment back to work, etc... H brought up last R talk – I guess we had different interpretations: I thought: stay together to work on M H thought: stay together to keep house and cohabitat
So I check hotmail (600+ msgs) 1.signed up for 2 dating sites since at least May 2008 (only one is active and it does not look like he really uses it now but he listed as “single”. 2.suggestive emails with one woman 2008 Go to print emails and H comes over to look and I point to the line “When R U going to 'insert sexual favor here' me again” H – Why can't I talk dirty to someone? I ignore comment H – you can write all you want down but it isn't going to change a thing
H goes out for 15-20 min. I ask him to login to FB for me. Find nothing. H then accuses me of having someone I used to work with at phone company look up his phone records and reminds me its illegal. I assure him that I would never put one of friends in that position because it is illegal. H – I can find out, you know? H is grasping at how his affair was found out. I ain't some stupid house wife, dear. (I did not say that)
I feel kind of sick finding the emails and dating sites too. But I am glad I am starting to see the whole picture but just wonder how many pieces are missing? Has there been mutiple affairs?
H did call his sister to see if he could stay with her but she was not home. I told him he had until Sunday to move out.
