Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[mulesqb]

Ok, took a few steps back today as the day wore on. I got a box from my M, with Christmas stuff in it, and it just broke me. I had to step outside and I literally broke down. 44 YOM crying like a baby.

SD - hey Bro!! Listen, you look at your emotions and breaking down as a few steps back. I see it as quite the opposite. You are grieving what is possibly the end of your M. For you to be the man you have to be in this process, that HAS to happen. I actually think you are moving forward and getting yourself prepared to do what needs to be done.

If there is one thing I can urge you to do, it would be to stop living and dying with every horrendous thing she does. I can promise you, there are going to be a lot more of them. As Puppy told you, just document them and move on. Stop being appalled at her behavior. Focus on you and your boys. You are going to have very emotional periods, especially with the timing of all this. But the faster you come to terms with it, the better example you will set for your boys.

I completely understand your emotions. Believe me, detaching and letting the rope go to me is by far the most difficult part of this whole thing. But if I could go back and do it over again, I would push myself to focus on that more.

Please read Puppy's words about documenting. I kept a 13 month long log about the neglect and abuse my XW was demonstrating. At our first court appearance which was just supposed to be a hearing, we presented it to my XW's lawyer. 3 hours later I had a signed document giving me full residential custody of my boys. You have a lot to deal with right now. No doubt. But remember you have been forced into a protective mode. Make sure you take care of that business. It is sooo important.

Regarding how some of us managed to get through the roller coaster of emotions...for me, I hung to friends and family. It's harder for you to do that, but maybe you can through e-mail, phone calls. When you can't, keep documenting here. Clear your mind of the emotional stress. FOCUS ON THE BOYS..How do you want them to see you?? How do you want them to remember how you handled this?? My S15 has now told me at least 5 or 6x that he will never forget the way I handled my sitch, especially regarding my next door neighbor and the affair, etc.. He said he learned so much about how to treat people and interact with people no matter the circumstances. I get chills everytime he tells me and will never tire of hearing those words. So trust me, your boys are watching you like a hawk. Be the parent they need right now. They need direction and guidance. They need to know that what they see at home right now is not acceptable behavior. They probably know it already, but given their ages they need guidance. My family therapist told me as long as they have one responsible parent, they can negotiate through this mess and see right from wrong. You are that figure in their life. So GO FOR IT.

Stop dreading R & R. It's time for you to step up for those boys. Believe me, they want you to. And you are the type of parent that will deliver for them.

You can handle it..

Strength and Honor.

Mules