Concentrate on 7yrs ago and how you felt when you held your D. How you felt about your H then too. The love you had between you, and the joy at the life you had created together in your D.
Sandycay said:
Quote:
I now know there is nothing I can do to save my marriage. It takes two, not one. My H is not the one anynmore.
This is the problem that most DBer's encounter eventually and this seems to be where you are at Kalni.
For those who it seemed to 'work' at restoring their M, Both parties showed true conviction. It won't work without it. Trust etc. can follow, but you got to have good intention and faith. Your faith seems to be lacking due to fear of being hurt again - a very natural predicament. However, nothing ventured nothing gained. For all the ups and downs I have had, I know that I don't want to be without a SO in my life, and someone else might do something just as bad to me hurt wise again. At least I know my H's quirks and foibles.
Get those passwords etc. and see if you can give it a go - otherwise you will always wonder - won't you?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
7 years ago, I thought I was married to the most wonderful man of the world. That day we had, maybe, the most intense moment between us. He held me in his arms and cried for a long time, relieved that me and D were healthy and everything had gone well with the "express delivery" of the tiny baby girl who I thought looked like a miniature princess while everybody else thought she was extremely ugly... I had never seen him cry before and I havent seen him cry since like that.
In the letter he wrote me a month ago, he mentioned those moments as precious and intense as well so at least we both felt the same then.
This date used to be sooo dear to me. My baby was born and I had the most wonderful wedding a girl can have, with the man I loved so much. Today, I am happy about my D, but very very sad about my marriage.
Saffie, I think my H isnt convicted to do the work. That is why I am holding back. And I dont know if today is the right moment, but I will, one of the next coming days, tell him that if he is "in" he needs to act like he is and do the work.
I have made my decisions, he needs to make his. After that, just like sandycay says, there isnt much I can do. K
I think you should let him know that you have quite a few needs/conditions that you need him to meet. I am sure he would be overwhelmed to focus on them all at one time. Pick an easy one like wearing his ring to symbolize his commitment to your marriage to start.
I would love to send some snow to you but would melt once it got to Europe. You are always welcome to visit.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
H passed by our house to wish D Happy birthday. Left me CS money and...nothing else. Not a card, a note, a flower. Last year we were in counseling. He had said he was thinking all day what to do about our annivers and...did nothing. She made a big fuss about how he should have done something, anything. I guess, he doesnt listen. And this is VERY disappointing. He has another 3,5 hours to make it up sending flowers or something. Which of course I doubt he will. But hope dies last. (angry)K
That is disappointing. Again. He seems to be disconnected inside. It "feels" to me that he is not committed to the M, but he's not committed to leaving. He's just floating.
Come on, your wedding anniversary...first one since the "pause". I don't care who Olympiacos is playing...he should be home with his two favourite ladies!
If I allow myself to, I will consider this a dealbreaker. Today he is working John. The big stupid job that is on 3 times a year. The first time was today. He finishes after 2 in the morning. He couldnt have avoided it. But he came tothe house when I was at work. He could at least left a freakin flower...
All I got was a general "Happy years" for me and D. And last year the C told him he SHOULD do something and had agreed he f@cked up... I just dont know. He called to chit chat and aksed something about my son and I replied I am raising them on my own and his reply was "this is not the time to talk about this" I told him, there is not time avaiable it seems to me and he replied "not true". I wished him success and hang up. Pissed.
I guess he won't be enjoying the game....after that exchange. Anyways,,,I don't want to add fuel to the fire but....I don't think you need a C to tell you that you should get your wife something on your wedding anniversary.
I bet he is having something delivered and was just checking if you got it....
I had never seen him cry before and I havent seen him cry since like that.