Been lurking for a couple months while I deal with WAW. W left 11 months ago. We have a D of 2 years. Bought DB books about 1 month ago and I love the solution based approach. For 10 months after she left, I did nothing but beg, whine and plead for her to come back. Obviously not working but I'm stubborn. I am very much in love with her and want nothing less than to have our family back together. I know what our problems were in the past and realize that they can be dealt with and changed, but I don't think W sees it that way. For the last month I have given her space and we only converse when dropping off D. This feels wrong but I must do something different.
Any words of advice from people in the same sitch?
Been lurking for a couple months while I deal with WAW. W left 11 months ago. We have a D of 2 years. Bought DB books about 1 month ago and I love the solution based approach. For 10 months after she left, I did nothing but beg, whine and plead for her to come back. Obviously not working but I'm stubborn. I am very much in love with her and want nothing less than to have our family back together. I know what our problems were in the past and realize that they can be dealt with and changed, but I don't think W sees it that way. For the last month I have given her space and we only converse when dropping off D. This feels wrong but I must do something different.
Any words of advice from people in the same sitch?
What are you doing to get a life? What kind of 180s are you working on?
Why did your wife leave? Is there a possibility of an affair?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
We have been married 1 1/2 years, together for 5 years. Economy and loss of work has created a lot of stress and I believe depression started setting in about 2 years ago, for me anyway. She felt neglected and un-loved. She is the type of person who needs a lot of affection and I have never really been that person.
I am starting to GAL instead of moping around all day. I am working out 4-5 days a week, spending quality time with my daughter and creating more opportunity to get my career jump started.
There is a possibility for EA although we are separated and not focusing on our R so I don't really think its an EA. I know she gets a lot of attention and eats it up since I was depressed and not giving her any.
There is a possibility for EA although we are separated and not focusing on our R so I don't really think its an EA. I know she gets a lot of attention and eats it up since I was depressed and not giving her any.
That can very easily be an EA. It doesn't take much to sustain an EA between texting, email and places like Facebook.
The rest of it sounds like a good place to start.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Yes, there probably is someone else. I just don't call it an affair when we are separated and she's not trying to work on the M.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...
If it's an obstacle to trying to rebuild your R, then it's an affair.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Facebook is just a tool. It doesn't create disharmony in a marriage.
If it weren't for Facebook, people would be meeting people in bars or clubs, at the grocery store, at work, while out jogging etc.
You know, the way affairs have been started since the dawn of time...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Yes, there probably is someone else. I just don't call it an affair when we are separated and she's not trying to work on the M.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...
If it's an obstacle to trying to rebuild your R, then it's an affair.
The reason she's not interested in working on the marraige is because she has another man. A married person spending time, money, love, affection, sex, intimate conversations, and giving gifts to someone other than their spouse on a consistent basis is having a affair. Quack!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
OK. Since we've established it's a duck, I'm just wondering if I give up or continue DBing. I have no interest in dating other woman. My interests are fixing my marriage and family.
