A cheated cheater

[TrentC]

I am plotting an evolution of myself. Even without reading DR or DB yet I know I have to let this A run its course and work on me.

If you let the affair "run its course", you're committing to making no progress on your relationship.

If you think you can bust the affair, go for it. Otherwise, he gets a choice -- give up the OW and commit to really working things out with you, or go off and live with her.

As for him attending therapy, I won't even suggest it.

Good luck to you, then; you guys have too many issues to sort out on your own.

I would think joint MC would be the way to go; that way you're not dumping him off on someone else.

I consider this A one of the consequences of my own A as well as my disease while it was untreated. I was sick enough to allow myself to become someone he would want to cheat on.

That's victim talk. Having an affair is a choice. You didn't do anything to deserve to be cheated on, just as your husband didn't do anything to deserve you cheating on him.

There is no tit-for-tat; he doesn't get a free pass on an A just because you had one.