Well, the therapy thing is sort of odd. I was required by a judge to attend counseling for awhile after I went to jail in 2006. Bi-polar bad decisions haven't been limited to my marriage. And my therapist and I talked a lot about the affair. It amazed me she didn't diagnose my bi-polar disorder then, as out of control as I was. The affair was my main hang-up, so yes that was pretty much all we talked about. By the time I left I was in a much better place to understand what it was doing to me and my family.
And, of course, I'm seeing her (the same psychiatrist) again now. SHe was shocked at how calmly I relayed my situation.Which I found interesting. How else would I react? Screaming wouldn't do any good, and neither would crying. I guess I just knew what it was like on the other side of that fence. But I think she was really worried I might be plotting his death. LOL, which I'm not.
I am plotting an evolution of myself. Even without reading DR or DB yet I know I have to let this A run its course and work on me. I can't change him, but I can change me. And I can make him see every day of this EXACTLY what he stands to lose.
As for him attending therapy, I won't even suggest it. He has a deep-seated distrust of psychiatrists thanks to bad childhood experience - five within two years. He would consider the suggestion an attack and place me in the same category as his mother - someone who doesn't feel like dealing with him so instead dumps him on a professional.
I agree that the deployments aren't the only thing that were standing in our way. But being in a war zone they HAVE to shut down and distance from us. It is survival 101. If they worry about the ones back home they aren't focusing on the mission and that's when they get hurt or worse. So it wasn't exactly the time to discuss rebuilding efforts.
I consider this A one of the consequences of my own A as well as my disease while it was untreated. I was sick enough to allow myself to become someone he would want to cheat on. So now I fix what's wrong with me. The fact that I wasn't fully in control of my own mind and impulses doesn't mean I get a free pass on the consequences of my choices. But they don't have to cripple me forever either.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
