Friends, I need answer, advice, ideas for tomorrow's mediator session
I have maintained that since stbxw & I split expenses down the middle, when she left, she stuck me with an extra $1100 nut to cover every month (this in an economy where I lost 20% of clients & 25% income. I managed, though (with some help from credit card)
When I propose that proceeds from sale of house be split 50/50 PLUS I get my 50% and $1100 x12 ($13,200) from her 50% a) She balks with her usual non-sensical , "I did NOT leave!" (excuse me, but didn't I move you and your crap to an apartment 5 miles away of your own volition?) Foggy, La-La Land.
b) She also says, "well, I had to come up with an extra $200/month on top of my $1,100 I was saving by leaving the house. To pay rent on my apartment. "Leave?I thought you said you didn't leave?!?
The mediator's a mush. And last time I pushed it, STBXW made reference to "you not wanting your relationship with StepD & StepS damaged in any way, would you?" Or words to that effect.
I'm of two minds: No, three. 1) You screwed me BIG TIME with monthly nut by leaving & I want it back. I struggled to keep up payments, keep house out of arrears and (God forbid) foreclosure and therefore kept the house viable and intact so there would be a house to sell and split proceeds.
And, 2) F%ck it. I got no more fight or energy left. Let's just split it 50/50, I'll take the hit so we can wrap this up and you can JUST GO AWAY!
3) tell her #1 is it. Period. and if she doesn't agree, I'll end the mediator sessions, tell her to go get a lawyer (I've already consulted with one, though not about this), And it is the principle, not the money because I'll spend $8-$10k on a lawyer just to get that $13000+. AND I can apply for 1/2 of her 401k legally if she doesn't agree.
So, I don't want to get screwed. I don't want to duke it out, either. I really, really just want this to friggin' END already!
Thoughts?
Last edited by Gardener; 12/09/0907:11 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
This part of divorce is a business transaction. Treat is as such. Screw the principle, toss the anger and romanticism aside. Call the lawyer for a consultation reviewing what's offered and follow his input. He is one of the best lawyers in the state. Exercise your rights in a forthright, non nonsense manner. This is no place for emotion, playing the 'nice guy' in not touching her 401(k).
Are you playing "Go Fish" or poker? Know the value of the cards you have, the risk you're willing to take and when to bluff. And leave your 'tells' behind.
*hugs*
PS.. It's a common practice to have a lawyer review what's offered to assure the division is fair and equitable. Do it.
I'm with Gypsy on this one. Sorry G, I have no sympathy whatsoever for STBX. Leave the emotion in the waiting room. This is business and you fight for the best deal possible.
I wish you the best.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I'm with Gypsy on this one. Sorry G, I have no sympathy whatsoever for STBX. Leave the emotion in the waiting room. This is business and you fight for the best deal possible.
I wish you the best.
Ditto.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I'm w/Gno and Gypsy. I wouldn't even discuss it w/her, allow your attorney to handle it, and you will know it's fair. I hear ya' though, re: costs more to fight it situation... There's a fine line between reality, and not "accepting" life, though.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
So, long day followed by Mediator session. And since it is mediation I don't have my lawyer completely involved yet. He will review document next week.
There was an issue over a certain $12K and I announced: "Y'know how some people say it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing when it really is the money? Well for me it is the principle and I will end this mediation, leave right now, go see my attorney tomorrow and retain him for $8-$10k just to get that $12k. She backed down on it and on a couple of other things, too, to the tune of another $22k. And, sorry, but Gardener does not want any of her 401k. Oh, and I got the $13,200, too.
At one point (I forget the context), she used that ludicrous spontaneous spooning arousal ruse and mentioned the phrase Sexual Abuse. Boy, did the mediator give me a look for that.
I immediately lied and told STBXW "That's one thing my attorney and I have discussed and if there are any reports, evidence. or hearsay that you used that term in connection with me to anyone, it will be actionable and you will be served so fast you won't know what hit you!"
She was more despicable and disdainful tonight then I've ever seen her. And I drove home in such a state of peace and serenity like I haven't felt in a long time.
Two weeks from today, Wednesday the 23rd at 9:00.
And on the way home I suddenly felt like reading DR again cover to cover. For me. Just me. Good night.
Last edited by Gardener; 12/10/0905:12 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
