So your wife has also never experienced an orgasm by herself either?
I agree that it's not enough to just say you want a divorce--my H and I may well both have tossed that out during arguments. I've forgotten how often or when that happened because it was not backed up with action or even true intent. It was at that point a childish cry for attention, because it's certainly true that neither of us was happy with our stagnant M for some time. However, had my H (or I) ever reached the point where one of us stated that we were DONE with the current state of our M and were committed to leaving TOMORROW unless healthy changes began to be made--and followed through on the threat--it would have triggered change. There's a huge (and to the spouse, quite obvious) difference between using the word divorce as an idle threat, and having reached one's threshold of tolerance so that one cannnot live another second without change.
Clearly, what worked for me might not work for your wife. However, you will find a common theme on this board (as well as with MLC spouses, left-behind spouses, abused spouses), that when a person finally finds the guts to say, "You know, our marriage is hurting me, and I no longer think I deserve to diminish myself in order to stay in it. I choose to become healthy and whole; I recognize that I don't NEED you to love myself, and while I'd like to have you in my life I'll be fine without you" --that's the only point when marriages can turn around.
