I'm so ticked off!! I checked our visa account today and he charged stuff for himself within the last couple of days. We are "working together" to get bills paid and gifts purchased for Christmas and he goes out and spends money on himself!! It's like the rules continue to not apply to him.
If he can't be responsible for your joint credit card account, then close that account and get one in your own name.
Tell him he can do the same.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I think most will back me on this one Jan, you will never meet a more selfish person in the world than a WAS. They do everything for themselves, and will do very little for anyone else, except for possibly an OP.
It's strange but the more I think about all the years we have been together the more I realize that he is so selfish. I have simply stood by and let him walk all over me. And when I wasn't being a pushover I was being a nag. How could any man love/respect someone like that???
Last edited by January girl; 12/08/0904:05 PM.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
I haven't posted here but I have been following your thread. I came in to second what ShockedOne said...I have never in the 22 years I have known my H been subject to any kind of selfishness from him - Now it is all about him and his wants & his needs and f**k everyone else...
You need to separate your finances from his otherwise he will most likely clean you out - Take this advice before it happens because trust me when I say it isn't a pleasent place to be put into...
You may go to the bank next week needing something for your kids or yourself and find out your H has taken everything and left you maybe 10 bucks if you are lucky.
Originally Posted By: January girl
It's like the rules continue to not apply to him
This is where boundaries come into play - If he doesn't like the boundaries and won't follow them, then you need to have firm consequences established and you need to follow through with them.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Here's my question....over the last couple of days my H has finally started leaving his computer and phone unattended. Does this generally mean he has stopped all contact as he claims with OW? He seems to want to spend a little bit more time with me also. Is he peeking out of the tunnel at me?? I think this is typical MLC???
Last edited by January girl; 12/09/0902:44 PM.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
Here's my question....over the last couple of days my H has finally started leaving his computer and phone unattended. Does this generally mean he has stopped all contact as he claims with OW?
Not necessarily. He could be baiting a trap for you, to "prove" that you don't trust him.
Have you set a boundary regarding OW? If not, now is a great time to do it.
One of the requirements should be transparency, which means he has to allow you to view those whenever you feel you need to.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
TrentC, He has said since before Thanksgiving when we had a blow-up that he would have no contact with her until after he moves out after the holidays. I made it very clear that if he wants to have contact with her he must move out ASAP. Is transparency required if he has been very clear he is moving out after the holidays? Or should I simply be MY best and keep moving forward for me without asking to see his computer and phone? Or should I demand to see both so I can sleep in peace at night? I'm so trying to be strong. It is very hard. Some days, I feel like it is just a big game to him. Other days, he acts like his old self again. I love him more than I ever thought possible.
M-43 H-43
M-17 years T-20
D-8 S-1
Bomb Aug 09---OW-Depression-MLC
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
TrentC, He has said since before Thanksgiving when we had a blow-up that he would have no contact with her until after he moves out after the holidays. I made it very clear that if he wants to have contact with her he must move out ASAP. Is transparency required if he has been very clear he is moving out after the holidays?
He gets a choice; drop OW completely and commit to working things out with you (which includes transparency) or he can take a hike and go live with her NOW. Why the heck are you letting him stay if he has every intention of moving out to be with her? What is being nice to him getting you?
He should come home to find his stuff on the front lawn (boxes and bags optional).
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
He gets a choice; drop OW completely and commit to working things out with you (which includes transparency) or he can take a hike and go live with her NOW. Why the heck are you letting him stay if he has every intention of moving out to be with her? What is being nice to him getting you?
He should come home to find his stuff on the front lawn (boxes and bags optional).
TrentC is wise, and giving you great advise. I found out the hard way that being nice DOES NOT WORK.
Remember that everything is COUNTER-INTUITIVE. I would like to suggest following TrentC's advise and force him to make his choice NOW.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I think this is typical MLC???