Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Quick update.

I gave IM W's stuff today. IM contacted my W with a message along the lines of that she had had the stuff for a week and was waiting for W to contact her.

W responds that how did she know that she had the stuff if nobody would tell her. W asked IM if she could drop it off for her at her work.

IM responds to her that she would not be in our town and that she could drop it off at another store in the nearest town (which is 20 miles away) - people from her store go back and forth a lot so somebody could easily get it for her.

W responds back - she can't get to the other town and could IM just give the stuff back to me for me to drop it off at her work. She finishes at 5pm so I could drop it off after then if I didn't want to see her.

I'm sick of this. I should laugh it off but I'm not feeling great today.

I love my wife (or at least the one I married). I pine for her love again. I want my marriage and I'd be willing to discuss reconciling if she had the b*lls to stop the A and ask for it.

But I know that I need to have no contact from her to bitch, moan, cry and heal about this whole thing.

This is why I went NC. This is why I gave her the letter. This is also why I repeated it to her calmly when she broke NC and came to the house.

If you read the messages above in that context, I think to myself why is she STILL not getting it?

In our M I said to my W that I had one wish and that wish was that she would talk to me about her feelings. I thought communication was a problem for my W. I now believe that listening is also a problem.

I have told her twice now that I don't want any contact other than to discuss reconciliation. That means I don't want to talk to her, speak to her, see her (which is difficult as I have to shop in the store sometimes) or be near her. Why on EARTH would she think that I would therefore be able to drop her stuff off before 5pm.

The mind boggles sometimes. I understand this stuff. I see my W has moved on and I'm trying hard to accept it but why won't she respect my wishes?

I don't believe she is clinging to me as I did believe before. I don't believe she is playing games. I actually don't know what I believe but I'm beginning to think she is just thick.