I was here struggling by myself emotionally and decided that I better come back to my support group. I know Michele talks about once a WAS returns that the LBS then gets all the emotions of resentment and anger and here I am with all those feelings....
I guess really today its not so much resentment as questioning my decision. Tonight I really feel really unsure, all these questions are in my mind. I mean who really stays with someone who has done this? Is it really right to stay with a person who cheats over and over? I know that there needs to be consequences for a person to really change, and so I'm wondering if staying with a WAS is right, what really is the consequence. What the hell am I doing? And then, I think of the saying, "if you did what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." So, isn't it just rational to think that I'm really just gonna get what I've always gotten. I just don't know. I keep wondering what the hell I'm doing. I don't know if this is normal or not, H says it is, but I'm really feeling conflicted tonight and just questioning myself. Boy it feels like it just never gets any easier.
So then stay, but do things dramatically differently. Hard boundaries, strictly enforced, and full transparency would be a great way to start.
