Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Thinker]

Thinker, I like this plan the best. She and I can be discussing splitting up property over the holidays pre-mediator.

Or just stop the discussions for the holidays completly. Schedule the mediation session for January, AND THEN LET IT SIT THERE.

Do your own homework to prepare for the mediation session. The first mediation session will most likely be based around the split of income and financial assets, so gather information on your income, assets, debts, etc., but you don't need to discuss it with her.

There's no need for you to be the bad guy here or to discuss anything regarding this with her outside of mediation. This can only go against you. Let the mediator play this role by asking questions with you providing the answer.

Also, use the time to line up a L for yourself.

If you want to put some additional "real world consequences" pressure on her, schedule an introductory meeting with a mediator - see if a mediator will do one for free. Goals would be to discuss the mediation process, what information is collected, what analysis would be done, what decisions are made, etc. This can give a cold, unemotional look at the process that is to follow without you having to play the role of hard voice of reason. You can just sit back and empathize with her about how painful this will be.

[givingitmyall]

Good busy day - just what I needed.

Got home, and W is acting as if nothing ever happened yesterday. Actually asked how my day was and if I liked the new recipe she made for dinner tonight.

Focused on the kids tonight.

I hung out in the den for a while watching tv - W there too. Just don't have anything to say to her. I was polite, but don't feel like being around her. So, watching a movie in my room.

[Gardener]

Gima,
I agree with everyone. Schedule it for after the holidays. Do your homework, do some preplanning, and enjoy the holidays.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

My W does the same thing. She initiates conversations, acts very nicely, says hello/goodbye...yet doesn't want a marital relationship with me. I believe our wives are simply trying to maintain the status quo, or as other people call it...cake-eating. We are being fed crumbs so that the tiniest bit of hope still resides in us...so we don't initiate any divorce proceedings. I call it manipulation. Remember, they are still intoxicated with having power in the relationship. I believe they also want a friendship from us once we are divorced. Like Robx preaches...it's up to you to get control of your life and get out of limboland.

Regards,
LFH

P.S. Yes, we should get together and go golfing. I'm thinking about the Member/Guest tournament this spring at my club. Or possibly something else sooner.

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

Thanks. I am surprised by W's change of heart on MC, but not by anything else. I really have NO hope anymore that we will reconcile. I am open to that as a possibility, but have no expectation it will happen.

So, while she's dropping crumbs, I'm simply no longer hungry.

I am handling it. I'm not depressed or in the throws of fear or negativity. I am sad, a little angry and a little resentful. But those emotions are not controlling me. But, they are there.

And I'm up for a tournament anytime. My index is slipping of late since I'm not playing as much. But, that will change soon.

[givingitmyall]

This morning, I told W I had decided that I would not go with her and the kids to FIL's birthday this weekend - which is out of town. Her response: OK. Did you get a chance to try the muffins I made last night? Me: Uh, no. You can cancel the dog sitter since I will be here this weekend.

I will miss being with the kids this weekend, but I cannot say I will miss her. If she wants to be a D'd mother, her weekends, when she has the kids, will be much like the upcoming one.

Before I get hit with the 2 x 4's, I did not decide not to go to spite W or elicit any response from her. I decided not to go b/c I see this coming weekend's trip as something we would have done as a "family" and as "H-W." W has told me she is not interested in being my W any longer, so my not going is a consequence of her choice. Had I decided to go on the trip, I think that would have sent the wrong message - that there really are no consequences to her decision. Tough love.

So, I need to get busy this weekend. Friday night - don't know - maybe grill out or go grab a bite out with a friend or go see a movie if alone. Sat. morning, I'm running in a 5k road race that my office is sponsoring - think sleighbells on running shoes. Should be fun. Saturday afternoon - need to fill this - maybe hit some golf balls if the weather cooperates. Sunday - need to fill - maybe try to pick up tix for the NFL game.

[Greek]

No 2x4 from me, GIMA. I think you have made the correct decision and for the right reason. She's only pretending it doesn't matter - trust me. Her track record has been to move toward you when you drop the rope. And I recall she's very concerned with appearances so showing up without you to a family event will rattle her cage, too. Don't rescue her (I know you won't). Your answer to anything she throws up at you should be in the spirit of "you're done, I'm done."

Be VERY scarce this weekend. Don't take her calls. Sit on them and call her back much later (b/c you are BUSY!) Don't answer texts unless it's about the kids. You know how to play this. You've read Puppy and the boys enough on here to know the drill.

Cheers ~
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Greek. I always appreciate the perspective of the WAW's (former, of course) here - God, what a valuable resource! But right now, that perspective is so much more critical than normal. I really appreciate it.

I will be surprised if she calls/txts. She's almost as stubborn as me.

Although, she will probably send me pictures of the kids via IM - that way she can "reach out" to me in her mind while not saying anything. Don't worry, I won't bite. I'm not hungry for the crumbs anymore.

The only calls I plan on making will be to talk to the kids in the evenings.

[motherof3]

No 2x4's from me either. Be sure to fill up your weekend with plenty of GALing activities. It sounds like you are well on your way.

[Greek]

Although, she will probably send me pictures of the kids via IM - that way she can "reach out" to me in her mind while not saying anything. Don't worry, I won't bite. I'm not hungry for the crumbs anymore.

The only calls I plan on making will be to talk to the kids in the evenings.

Atta boy!

Think of it ~~~ an entire weekend in YOUR house UNENCUMBERED!! Come and go as YOU please! Projects that YOU want to do! Eat when YOU are hungry! Let the dog up on the sofa with you! And isn't there somewhere YOU've been wanting to go in your BIG CITY but haven't had the chance??!! I know the circumstances are not the greatest but in a way, this weekend is a GIFT you can give YOURSELF.

Cheers ~~~
Greek