Is my Wife Cheating?

[Steady on course]

Thanks,
I really appreciate a perspective that helps me better understand her current mind set. It will go a long way to help me balance my actions and tolerance. Last night started out very well. We took the kids out and picked out a tree. After I returned from Florida, she informed me that she attended church while I was away, something that we very rarely do. She took the kids, and attended the same service as OM and his wife. She described how OM wife stormed out of service with OM in tow during the middle of services. I found this strange and unsettling. We later went for a walk and I told her how hurt I was, and was dealing with it the best I could. I let her know that I thought the marriage was worth saving and that I would do what it takes to work together on healing. She became angry and defensive once again retreating to denial that nothing happened, she never slept with other man. I told her that I wasn’t interested in the details, but reminded her that the all of the secrecy, exchange of pictures, and secret meetings, pre-paid secret phone and phone calls was disrespectful, and wrong. I told her that any relationship requiring secrecy is cheating. She went on the attack and reminded me what a lame husband I have been, and started on an itemized list of my shortcomings. She accused me of checking up on her whereabouts when I called her during the day. I am not, It’s snowing hard here, and I am concerned for her safety. We both went to bed angry for different reasons. Before we went to bed, I apologized for becoming angry, (one of my short comings) but not what I was angry about. We both went to bed upset. Not sure how to proceed? For the first time, I’m starting to lose my motivation, and am questioning whether this really is worth it? A lot of revelations lately. I’m still haunted by the disclosures she made early on. In the heat of battle she confessed that she had been miserable the entire 13 years we have been married with a long laundry list of reasons why. It hasn’t been great for me either, but I’ve never cheated or engaged in inappropriate flirting although I’ve had plenty of opportunities.. I’ve always provided a comfortable lifestyle, and I am not abusive. She says I drink too much, and doesn’t like my smoking. I stopped both almost a month ago immediately after the bomb. I feel better for it and am more motivated by my improved health, than by her, or the chance of reconciliation. Whatever happens with us, I like myself better without nicotine, or alcohol.