P17, there is one thing I really want - get rid of the fear - I am full of fear for the last 8 months and I want this to stop. I have been full of fear every step of the way since Day 1 - fear of losing him, fear of his anger, fear of not knowing what he is going to do next,fear of pushing him more towards divorce... I have been on the marriagebuilders forum since April and I wasn't able to apply any of the plans which were recommended out of fear. I didn't expose to his family as I had no real proof of his first affair so I said nothing,I din't confront him about OW2 as I was afraid of his anger about the way I found out(logging into his IM),I am even afraid to write him a NC letter as I am afraid to refer to adulterous behaviour in the letter(because the first affair I can't proof and the second one is not seen as affair) - I am afraid to make a fool out of myself. Even though I have lost him already I am still so afraid and I don't know why.
And my biggest fear - that I was wrong and he didn't have an affair back in April and that money and the business were the reason my marriage failed and that everything else was just in my head.
