I wrote a question to her before a business trip in Oct. The question was simple as follows: "What would it take for us to stay together?"
She wrote a 5 page letter in response, and the high points, worms and all, are here.
It started off with "the overall feelings I have are of defeat, self-loathing and failure to be successful as a wife."
"The small and large comments and actions that were disrespectful and unloving tore me down time after time." <I take exception to her thoughts here.>
She "hated the feelings of being 'not worthwhile' and unloved."
" ... Wanted me to understand (underlined) how and what I was feeling. When I tried to communicate that to me, the words didn't come out right."
"Worthless and defeated were emotions that flowed through me daily."
"Hiding and distracting myself with the boys, housework, friends were helpful, but I now know that I was only suppressing my feelings. Keeping a happy face on the outside helped, but only lasted until I couldn't do it anymore."
"I am now following my heart. I needs space. I need to move on to a new chapter in my life."
"I don't want to feel ugly inside."
"I see a big difference in your relationship with the boys. I respect you more as a dad and know that they will be the biggest winners. I am glad that they will have a da who wants to be there and be involved."
"I can't tell my heart to do something it can't (sic). I am not in love with you. My wall is up to protect myself - it has been up for so long that I am terrified of being hurt again. Those feelings and wall I hope will lower in time and that I forgive you."
"I do not regret marrying you. I have had many experiences with and because of you. For that, I would not change. What I do regret is not standing up for myself, being strong and having the self esteem to communicate with you how I was feeling."
"We will always be connected because of our wondeful boys. I want to work as a team with you regarding their happiness and everything that affects them."
"I am ready to start feelng stronger on a daily basis and have my wall lower."
"I am so glad you see that I am OK and a good woman. The notes and letters that you have given over the past months I know how you feel now ... but it's a little too late."
"Who knows what the separation will do for us? Cement in our minds that this is what is best and move on or that we find that space & time is what we needed to realize that a second shot is what we both (underlined) want to do."
